Tomorrow's gonna be our FIRST retreat. So, everyone's been pretty excited about it. Of course, me too. But I don't know why some questions are left unanswered.

It's between HIM and ME.

*parang kahapon lang PROUD pa akong sabihin name niya dito, then all of a sudden biglang... BOOM.

Hellyeah. I know I'm not okay. :(

So, good night. Got to go.

It's been months since I've finally kept this in myself. And, I hope, if you know me (personally) guys, you wouldn't be spill nor say this to anyone, like a relative of mine or even my teachers. lol. (:

I have to confess that I'm finally back with my two years two months boyfriend. :|
Okay, everyone's against US, but.. this is us. :(

Karl Aldrine Sta. Maria-Supe is the name. :)

And, finally, my man's back. :)

It's been weeks since I haven't blogged anything. Sorry my dear readers, affiliates, and followers. There are so many things that happened that I wished, I've never said or let them be.

I've never been a rebel at my own cause. I've never been my parents' headache. BUT... NOT NOW.
I've talked to my dad. He talked to me about things I never thought I would open up. I know, I have offended him. And, I don't care. I know I've been the so called maldita. And, I don't care. I know, I've been mean. And I don't care.

I don't know why things are falling apart. I don't know why my family is like this. No, it has nothing to do with having another sister or brother outside (it's funny), but rather, it's a rift between me and my parents.

And, the so called, ECONOMIC status we have.

As for now, this is all I can share with you. later on, I'll be blogging about things, you'll never expected I did.

I was like... DEPRESSED on something lately. :(
It's too late for me to apply to DLSU, and ADMU. Just this morning, I found out that, DLSU's submission of forms is only until this coming October 8, 2009. I cannot submit my form, since I need a photocopy of my birth certificate from NSO, which mom said that this would take a week, and other school forms which will be processed for like 3 days.

Wew! My laziness gave me karma. :(

Wishing to apply to thos top universities, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so. Anyway, fingers crossed for my UST application. :| I was really praying to pass the USTET test and enter my dream school. :|

(BTW, I wished to apply for DLSU and ADMU for the scholarships, if there are some. haha, since, we weren't rich enough to pay everything. lol. )

HONEST! =)

News from different tv channels raged as typhoon Ondoy hits the Philippines. I'm so sad to hear about how people suffer from this. Our house also felt the effect of the typhoon. We were flooded BUT, thank goodness, we still have our house to live in. The flood is just isang dangkal inside our house..( Is that foot span? Whatev.)

So, the effect on us only became crucial because we don't have electricity for like 26 hours, I guess. But still, very mild compared to those people whose houses were destroyed, whose lives were shunned, who has nothing to eat for more than three days and those people who needs to be rescued from their flooded streets.

I was really thankful about what happened to us! I can't imagine that even the big stars on the showbiz industry even experience such things. They even lived in subdivisions, but then, when the nature claims for justice, NO ONE IS EXCUSED.

I wished to volunteer for the Sagip Kapamilya and to give something to those who were in need, but then, I was too busy to do so, or too lazy to be one. :( Soooooorrrry! :(

Anyway, another typhoon's coming here in the Philippines, so,
MAY THE LORD HELP US! :)

"Knowing the right techniques and

how to commence it,

not just how to play music babe.."

-Boyfie quoted this one. He learned it from Joe Satriani,his idol. I know, I'm just starting to learn how to play the guitar, and I felt bad about it. Boyfie's the BEST guitarist ever. SWEAR. He's not just a guitarist, but a MUSICIAN. He studied in Yamaha School of Music when he was young, and voila! He can now play almost every string instrument you know. lol. :D

So, right now, I've been learning how to play the guitar (:
Thanks to him! (:

CARD DAY

It's been weeks since my hands are quite shivering everytime my grades were being asked by my parents. lol. Hell yeah, I WAS REALLY NERVOUS.

LUCKILY, I'm still part of the honor roll.

I had:

Mathematics- 86%
(Okay, I'm lame in mathematics. haha. So, don't ask me why. lol.)

English- 92%
(Yay! I told you, I'm good in English.lol. I got high grades in both written and oral. HAHAHAHA. I can't imagine that tho.)

Christian Living Education- 95%
(Can you imagine that?! hahaha. I'm a saint. lol. :) )

Filipino- 90%
(El Filibusterismo is quite hard. Characters are too many to memorize. haha.)

Science and Technology- 87%
(Physics is a hell. And all the computations gave me a line of 6 on my periodical test. hahaha.)

MAKABAYAN- 91%
a. Araling Panlipunan- 90%
b. T.L.E/ Computer- 91%
c. MPAEH- 89%
d. Values Education/ Homeroom- 94%

Conduct- O
Activity-O

hahaha. Got those grades and everything. lol. And ranked 8th on the over-all list of honors! =)
BUT, imagine my dismay when my mom, scolded me for ranking 8th on the list. Gaad. I wanted to cry, but I know, things needs to be fixed and be perfect in others' eyes. At least, boyfie's been here, and advised me to do better next time. Of course, he congratulated and appreciated my efforts. Thank you boyfie.

Lord, thank you so much! I promised to be better this second quarter! I love you :)

Last saturday night, I was shocked to know about this "thing" that's going on between my friends. It took me a few minutes to recover about what I just knew.

Here how it goes:
Few months ago, a girl friend of mine (girl 1) broke up with my guy friend (guy 1) without any exact reasons why she did. I was somewhat depressed to know what had happened, and I even asked guy 1 to spend his time to other things, than mourning over the break-up. Months later, a close of friend (guy 2) of us, revealed that he asked the girl, about the so called thing he feels, then, BOOM.. He told me that, the girl, turned him down, even before he decided to court her.

I was like.. WTF with him. Didn't he know the male code of honor? That, if your guy friend, likes a girl, you shouldn't tell her how you feel about it (especially, if you like her), even if, they broke-up, even after years. Wanna know why? Because, it's just a way of respecting your friend, as well, giving yourself, a high sense of pride. Male code of honor dude. PERIOD.

I felt pity for guy1. He's been a good friend for years already. And, the way he told me everything, wow... he really loves the girl.

So, my only advice would be:

MOVE ON.

I don't wanna call him LOSER for doing so. Imagine, he waited for 3 mos. I guess, then had nothing after that? wow. Girl1 is also a friend of ours, and convincing her makes us stupid. I don't feel that there's gonna be another chance for the both of them. :| Anyway, I'm wishing them the best of luck. I have nothing against guy2 or girl1. It's just that, they shouldn't be numb to whaetever things other people feels. I feel bad after knowing such things.

I know it's hard to commit something specially if you guys are friends, then the lamest thing here is when you separate ways. Hopefully, I wouldn't fall for someone whom I've been friends with.

Sabayang Pagbigkas



I haven't posted for a long time, but I have something here that our school can be proud of. We won the 2nd runner-up title, not bad for the first timers like us. HAHA. :)

So, It was held at Philippine Academy of Sakya at Masangkay, Manila. And we were trained under our teachers. BTW, we competed against 7 other schools in Manila. This competition was under the supervision of the APPSAM-MAPESA.

Hope you enjoy our presentation. :)

(I forgot the date.. I think it was August 25, 2009. HAHAAH ((: Amnesia honey!)

----- Dave Binuya,
Kathleen Faye Paltao,
and Lea Gabales.









--- Joseph Del Rosario,
Justine Marie Mendoza,
Cedrick Gijapon,
Joanna Santos,
Ma. Michelle Placido,
and Charlaine Kimberly Collado.










Jimmy Siason, Rafael Borromeo, Joseph Del Rosario, Christian Alcantara.

---- During the food festival.










-----The room, featuring the bulletin board,
with Rachelle Garcia.














----- The blackboard, with all the foods.
I was the one who did the lettering, and yeah, it's not perfect, nor good. :))
So, not all foods, were placed on the table. haha. Yeah, we have lots. :)











---- We also have waiters here. haha.
And, Clemente Dela Cruz is one. :P





















----- Yaadddda! Let's bring it on. Everything's prepared here already. The assigned province to us is Bacolod, so, we have lots of foods from Bacalod, especially those Inasal ones. :)









and,

Friday: Mock Trial

Yesterday, we had our mock trial in school. Okay, the activity was given last thursday only, so, we only have few hours to do the scipt, since we're going to present this the next day after. I'mma going to post the script I made here. I hope you, guys, will like it.

BTW, we presented that yesterday, in front of the class and with the heart-pumping PAASCU accreditors. lol.

List of characters:
(me): judge
De Vera, Nicolas: lawyer for the for the Government of the Philippines.
Magnifico, Mary Loise: lawyer for the people of the Philippines.
Fallesgon, John Harry:(Mr. Mauro Roxas) representative for the Government of the Philippines.
Paltao, Kathleen Faye: (Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz) representative of the people of the Philippines.

<--------- START HERE---------->

Judge: Presenting, the people of the Philippines vs. the Philippine government, case no. 0102, trial no. 2525, regarding the Clean and Green act. Now, the question is: Who needs to be blame?

------------PROTEST----------

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Witness for the Government, please proceed to the witness stand.

De Vera: Your honor, I hereby present you, Mr. Mauro Roxas, who can prove you that the government is not guilty of the accusations regarding the destruction of the Mother Earth.

------harry (witness stand.)--------

Judge: You may now, ask your questions.

De Vera: Mr. Roxas, present us some examples on how you care for the mother Earth.

Harry (Mr. Roxas): I made an article regarding the Clean Air Act. I even support the People’s Constitution for the destruction to be lessened.

De Vera: So, what about that Clean Air Act?

Harry: We make the environment free from the unclean air the damages the atmosphere, by letting them to pay for their bail when violating the rule.

Magnifico: Objection your honor! That isn’t true.

Judge: Question sustained.

De Vera: See your honor, my witness can stand for the Government of the Philippines that, they have nothing to do with the destruction of the Mother Earth.

----pause----

I have no further questions your honor.

----De Vera sit down.----

Judge: the witness from the government may now go back to his sit.

-----harry goes back to his sit----

The witness from the people of the Philippines may now go to the witness stand.

Magnifico(lawyer2): Your honor, may I present to you Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz, our witness for the People’s republic.

Judge: You may now ask your questions.

Magnifico: Mrs. Dela Cruz, site us some examples on how you take part in taking care of our environment.

Paltao (Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz): I plant trees o my backyard, and as a responsible individual, I see to it that, my new house would not require too much loggings that requires excessive cutting of trees.

Magnifico: have you materialized this already?

Paltao: Yes, of course.

Magnifico: do you think, the people of the Philippines aren’t guilty of all the accusations?

PALTAO: I don’t think, we’re guilty. We’re good individuals unlike that corrupt government.

Magnifico: I have no further questions your honor. I think, these are just enough to prove that my client is not guilty of all the accusations.

Secretary of the judge (Karen): Everyone, please wait for a while as the judge makes her decision.

--------silence-------

(nag-iingay na yung mga tao)

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! As far as evidences were gathered, and fair conclusion should be made, I plead both the people and the government of the Philippines, GUILTY, beyond reasonable doubt, regarding the accusations on the massive destruction of the environment. You both are responsible to take care of the environment, but then you weren’t able to do your duties regarding these creatures. No more further explanations needed.

Karen: In the Mock trial, the people and the government of the Philippines are said to be guilty of being irresponsible in taking care of the environment. Therefore, who do you think, is the judge in the story?

Ken: Why do you think, he plead that both parties were guilty?

<-------------END HERE------------>

NOTE: The trial no. and the case no. is ONLY used in the script. We simply made this out. We simply showed how both parties took part in the environment. We have nothing against the names used here. Those names are only used for representations, nothing more, nothing less.

Back to the script:

We were asked by our English teacher to have a mock trial as our presentation, and so, I come up with that script. As you can see, I used the name Mr. Mauro Roxas (kinda' name of a politician tho), and Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz (a representation for the Filipino people).

So, if you're asking me, who's the judge in the story...

my answer is: GOD.

You know why? Come to think of it:

1. On the usual trial courts, the judge is always introduced, but here- we didn't.

2. BOTH were plead guilty of the accusations. Why?

Obviously, only God can judge everybody, so, just stop and look around you... Do you think, only the filipino people (set aside, those who are in the government), are the only ones, who took part in the massive destruction of the Mother Earth?
And next, for the government, do you think, their political plans, and projects don't effect the environment?

So, now, who needs to be blame?

I was stressed out with the things that are happening lately.

1. is that... school's been stressing me, with all those projects and other paper works.
2. parents are nagging me for being kinda' LAZY-nuff said.
3. boyfie's another mess. :( And you know the feeling of being emotionally bothered? That's it. I'mma blog later to talk about further explanation.

I don't know why, school's been a stressing me. I love studying ever since. I don't care about being the nerdy, geeky, old school chic. But you know, I don't see school as a force treatment or as a melancholy anyway. BUT, I guess, that was before. I'm too lazy now. I know my grades aren't doing well. I don't even feel good about it.

It's bad because, I love the subject. I love Physics, or even Trigo, but I just can't find any other way to understand such things. Yeah, I listen, but I can't understand those tangents, cosines, or even some functions.

Sometimes, I even found myself waiting for the dismissal time to come. But, guess what... I don't even have any boyfriend waiting outside the school to pick me up, so, say it, am I weird?

That's all for now. :(
I just don't feel okay today.

2nd day of August:

Last time, he told me that, he's going to be here in Manila for our 2nd year anniversary. Yeah, you heard it right, TWO YEARS of everything.

But since everything isn't working well, we have to accept the bitter fact that he can't be here to spend time with me even for an hour. But you know, I was always wishing and EXPECTING that he's going to greet me before I do. But, guess what happened? He didn't even make a way or a call to greet me. He didn't even text me or leave me a message in friendster. So, where does the irony lies now? I was all up into this burden. I wasn't expecting that this would happen. I thought, everything's going to be right. I was wrong. Again, I was wrong. :(

I slept at 3am, simply by waiting for his "pahabol" message, but, I end up, sleeping since, I have classes the day after. You know what, I was dumb-founded, I just can't be mad. I can actually feel that something's wrong, but I find it hard to admit it. I don't know that this is going to happen. I don't even say anything that's against his rules or whatever.

I know, I'm not okay. My eyes were red when I woke up. Yes, I cried. I've listen to sappy songs, to the songs that we used to cried together, and you know, it's freakin' hard not to see him for more than a half year now. I just don't feel important anymore, and you know what... I'm giving up. :(

But, there's this feeling that I can't give up the one I loved for two years. I know it's hard. I don't know if I still have to go on. And I don't know if he still love me.
this hurts too much. :(

Horrible MONDAY.

I find my Monday morning quite horrible. One is that I'm dealing with SINES AND COSINES law lately, and I find it hard to understand. And today, I realized, I'm sooooo lame in math. :)) But, it's in physics anyway, gotta use that later in trigonometry. :| I'm hoping not to fail the test.

***

Rainbow-ed TUESDAY.

Tuesdays are the best day ever. Not unless, I got my first ever failed grade, in trigonometry. Kbye. But, it's like, WTH?! Am I that lame? But, hell yeah, I accept it. I'm one darn happy bee in math, waiting for the second recess to come. Ms. Guev's super good in teaching the lesson, but you know, I'm so lame not to understand things sometimes. Pfft. How I wish, I was given the powers to make the lessons much easier for me to understand. I envy my classmates for getting the highest grades in mathematics :|

***

Missing WEDNESDAY.

My wednesday morning isn't that okay. I'm throwing tantrums for boyfie. He's like missing for three days now. He didn't even text nor call. So, what now? I was throwing tantrums. But later on, he texted me, mad, and was telling me that he's phone was confiscated by mom(his mom). It's like, Kfine. :| And you wanna know what happened next?

I learned, and know, that, he wouldn't be able to make up to our so called "anniversary date" next week, since he wasn't allowed to go here in Manila. It sucks. :'|
Things were planned already, and I was like dreaming to be with him even for a dinner, or for just a day out, walking with hands crossed around his arms. But, we FAILED. :'(
We haven't seen each other for 6 months now. Dang. :(

***

Annoying THURSDAY.

I called boyfie then. I missed him like crazy. He said, he wouldn't be able to be with me on our anniversary. Kbye. But it's like 6 months of being away, fcuk. I hattttttteeeee it! Anyway, I just tried to amile the way I used to, talked like a matured adult, swooning over a love song. lol. I mean, it's like having a sugar cane. Indeed, really sweet. Then, said goodbyes and drag along with the usual, 8 letter words.

***

Buckle headed FRIDAY.

Boyfie's one buckle headed guy. Why? he swam across just to save a drowning tourist, on the beach, and he did not even tell me that he's going there. Fcuk. He said, he only have a few money, and it's not enough to load his phone. lol. Woo. Very darn reason. He's really buckle headed. Before, he swore to make paalam whenever he's going out, and me too of course. But now, come on. He's like saying "I can't make it up to you, but I can be with my friends anytime soon." So, what now?! I talked to him already, he's tired DAW. But, I don't really think so. And what about that tourist? Okay, those were the girls, he would usually go for. Now, you know why I'm like this. I don't trust him when it comes to such things. Rude, right? :))

TANTAY BOYS.

We had our educational tour last Wednesday, and indeed, I have fun. Tantay boys are really thoughtful, they even help me do the rapelling jobs, even the running thing. I really enjoyed being with them. Hope to be with these guys next time! :)

Sad thing, I don't have any pictures with them. Poor me.

****

FRIDAY HEARTACHES.

I always wonder why "break-up" exists in his dictionary.

Just this morning, I received a message from him asking me whether why am I not texting him. For me, I'm not numb nor stupid to feel the pain. Imagine, I am going to text him, and ask for his pardon, after receiving all those curses from him? :( But you know what.. I was really hurt. Yes, I am. I don't know if I simply became blind for accepting him again to invade my life. But the pain lives in, though, I know the person is HURTING ME A LOT. I just can't find ways to be mad at him for a long time, though, he always insist about break-ups, and he's not saying any good things anymore.

At this point, I'm allowing people to call me stupid, because of loving a person who's a total freak and won't do anything just to see me happy. And you know the absolute pain? I can't feel it anymore. :(

I'm not the type of girlfriend who used to count all the mistakes of her partner. But this time, I wanna give it a try, just to be at ease. :(

1. He was tempted to another girl.
2. He cursed me and my parents.
3. He smoked weeds before, but eventually stopped because of i-don't-know.
4. He used to be angry to me, even with the simplest things.
5. He used to call me "bitch", when he's mad.

*****
And you know what.. I LEARNED TO ACCEPT HIM. DESPITE OF EVERYTHING.
See? That's how he ruled the relationship, not to mention, ruined..

I don't know if Imma going to be okay today. I hate it. :( I really hate it when he let me feel deeply in love with him, though I know, this relationship isn't worth keeping.

And, his final words were:
"Ayoko na din sa relasyong to."

Is he still worth keeping? Why do I have to keep myself from holding on? :(

It's been weeks since I've blogged something about that freak anniversary. And, it's making me sick again. But now, I'm hell-a okay, so, I'm gonna blog about all those random things that happened after our hilarious anniversary. I hope this time, these things will definitely make me happy. ((:



FRIDAY HUMILIATION, LAUGHTER and BLUSH-Y MOMENT.



HUMILIATION.

I would always love to continue recalling about what happened last Friday, though, it made me sick afterwards. haha. :))

Here how it goes:
Just this Friday, we had our club meeting. And guess what? I felt extraordinarily humiliated by our club adviser. I hate it when people scold me in front of everybody. And, what I hate about it, is that, she did it, IN FRONT OF MY STAFF. Yes, in front of all the other editors. Frankly speaking, being the Editor-in-chief in our school newspaper is quite a tiring but it's a task wherein I need to cope with all the voice the mass is giving. How freak and annoying. I love the task, but you know, our adviser need not to compare me with the previous editor. I'm not her, mkay? She was scolding me because our IDs were not yet printed, and she's putting the blame on me. I know it's my responsibility, but PLEASE... say it in a nice way, and not to humiliate someone in front of everybody. Then it's like everybody's laughing at me?! Come on. You're spelling H-E-L-L.

Woo. Then, after this, you're going to ask me a favor to get your stuffs, and everything?!!!! Freak.

***

LAUGH-Y.LAUGHTER.

After that humiliation thing, I decided to go home after all the tasks I did. It's kinda' raining, by then. Good thing, I was able to see my BFF Neenah with another close friend Mira. HAHAHA. We decided to go to Neenah's house since we're waiting for the rain to stop pouring. After going to Neenah's house, I called my mom and aunt to tell them that I will be going home late. Guess what happened after that? :)

The rain keeps on pouring down. lol. And the funniest thing here is that, streets became flooded. Also the compound where my BFF lives in! hahaha. We're so scared that we wouldn't be able to go home earlier than we expected. ((: And, the hilarious thing here is that, there are no boots available! YESSS! Totally and absolutely funny! What we did is that, we put plastic bags on our feet, and after few hours of thinking about how are we going to pass there.. someone from the neighborhood, let us borrow their boots. haha. LMFAO. hoohoo!
We swear to buy boots for our dear friend neenah. =)) hahaha.

Indeed, we had a good time!

***


BLUSH-Y MOMENT.

I always love it when people care for me too much. And guess what, my NEW friend, I kinda' like him, I mean, the way he acts. He's quite matured 'coz he's already 17. HAHAHA. But you know, I would always love to meet new people and new friends.

So, when I got home, I immediately texted my honey that I came home late, and apologized for doing so, because it's really raining hard then. So, he didn't reply but I continued texting him tho. Until, I received a message from a guy friend, asking me whether I was home already. HAHAHA. =) Wee. I blushed. haha. I wasn't expecting him to text me like that, since yeah.. he's new, and I was just a friend, and he's COMMITTED :)

From then, I texted him late at night, then, he replied that he sent his girlfriend home. Wew. I got kilig with them ((: He really love her girlfriend. :) I'm so happy for him. :)

I envy them for being together. Honey's not here with me. I missed him tho.

Later in the evening, we chat with each other, haha. :)) SC[friend's name] is super caring. :) He even told me that, I was beautiful, and I don't even need to be insecure with the freak girl, he even asked me what kind of guy I like. I find him thoughtful, and I even tell him stories about my honey. :x In love. :)



SATURDAY SWEETNESS and SICKNESS.

Early morning, I didn't received any message from my honey. :( I was expecting one then, not until I received a thoughtful message from him. :) He told me to drink my meds and everything. I was sick that time. I find it hard to breath with coughs and colds. :| But still, he finds time to send me a message like that. :) How sweet. :) :x

But you know what, I don't know why I don't want to talk to him that time? :( It's like, I don't trust him anymore. :( I dunno.



SUNDAY KISSES and MISSES.

Since, I can't take to get rid of talking to him... I decided to text him, saying I had loaded my phone already, and I wanted to talk to him. Before I sent that message, my phone received a mad message, but I only find it out after I sent a sweet message for honey.. He's mad at again. I hate it, but, he immediately, took the initiative the control himself from doing so. :)

After taking a bath, he told me, that whatever good or bad news he's going to hear from me, he still misses me tho. :)) I super love that moment. :) But, not until now. :|



UNRULY, RUDE, MONDAY.

I found out that, he smoked weeds before. :(( Damn. I wanna cried hard because of what I know, and the only good thing is that, it came from him. :(

But, guess what, I promised him that, I'll never gonna leave him. Yes. You know what, I took that, as an opportunity to tell him, how much I care for him, and I wanted to prove them, that those are just challenges. That, we're going to stay with each other for real. And, I wanna help him out, since it's already a year ago, since he did that. I know, that's how a girlfriend, a bestfriend, and a wife should be. I super love him despite of everything. :(



TUESDAY CONFUSION.

I don't even received any message from him. I don't know whether he's mad at me or what. He's a guy with no initiative at times. :( But, I still love him tho. I texted him in a confusing manner. But, still, it's like he don't even care at all.



WEDNESDAY BREAK-UP.

He was mad. He texted me with an anxious manner like "napakagago mo." I was amazed, and hurt. I was crying in the bus, asking myself where did I go wrong, and what did I say to make him mad. Only to find out that, he got mad because I informed him about our field trip just this tuesday. Is he reasonable enough to do so? :( I'm hurt. I'm deeply hurt.

Later in the afternoon, I wasn't able to read his messages since my phone's drained already. He flooded me with messages, and telling me how dumb I am, how freak I was, He's blaming everything to me. :( I hate it. :(

I can't take it.

And where does the irony lies?

WE JUST BROKE UP. :(

ANNIVERSARY GUILT,PRIDE,LIES.

Rocker,
It's been months since I've cried for you. Months of wiping my tears paid off when the third day of May came and where back in each others' arms again. But suddenly, without expecting anything in return or what, I think, I found my karma again. I don't know if I have to cry this out again, or I need to feel insecure with your ex because she's pretty and me is not, and the hardest thing is to feel that she still occupies a big part of your devil heart. And guess what I felt..

I felt worthless without any cause or any degree to show how pathetic I am, thinking that everything you said was true. Again, the so called relationship was turned DOWN, OFF, BROKEN, or whatever you called it. And this worthless insecurity is living under my skin.

Out of my burning patience, out of your sweet pathetic words, I allowed you to invade my life again. Yes, for the 100th time, you came back. And, it was the 22nd day of June.

Things worked out well until one afternoon came when according to you, a girl texted you on that very moment and she told you about her state of being pregnant, and asking for your help. Do you know how it feels to know about such thing while fighting with you on that very moment? Can't you feel my agony that time? I had this stupid insecurity with your so called ex, then I had this news from you that you made a girl pregnant? After this incident, I chose to stay calm and immediately ask you to give me the number of the preggy girl you're talking about, when all of a sudden you swear that IT WAS ONLY YOUR FRIENDS WHO WERE GOOFING AROUND PRETENDING TO BE THAT PREGGY GIRL.

How do you want me to react?

After this, I decided to text your ever so dearest FRIEND just to ask something about you but not exactly about that stupid message or prank.I received and understand his message as a very contradicting message when I know, all the while, you considered him as your friend. Take note: as a friend. Then, I end up with no any other information, but the single thing that your so called friend hates you. Yes, he hates you, but he refused to tell me why, and his reason is that, he simply wanted to graduate. See? Is that your so called friend? Out of respect I didn't try to force him to say so, I just accepted what he had said. But still, this is just a secret thing to keep, since I swear to your friend that I'm not going to tell anyone about that.

Days passed thinking that everything's alright, when I finally received a ba-ba-boom message from you saying how stupid I am for not trusting you, and for asking your friend about who you are to them. I apologized for doing so, right? But later on, I realized, why do I have to say sorry? Is there anything wrong in asking your friends about you? BESIDES, I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, and ACCORDING TO YOU, YOUR WIFE. Do you even bother to listen to all my explanations? Yes, maybe, you listened. But, you never know how to accept your defeat. You simply made things worst now. You simply showed me how bitter you are. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY SORRY. Am I right dear? You shouldn't be afraid of me, asking your friends about you, in the first place.. you yourself know the truth. .

Later in the evening, you mentioned about this freaking thing. You've been seduced with a girl named *toot. Am I right Karl? What's wrong with you? How many times did I asked you about her? How many times did you denied about it? How many times did you lied about her? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE ABOUT HER????? Aren't you contented with your own girlfriend? Aren't you contented with me? Why do you have to do this?

Imagine my horror, when you told me that "SHE EVEN LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ME(your girlfriend), AND HER."? I don't wanna call her a bitch, but, what do you think is the best adjective to describe her? How freak she is to seduce a guy whom she knew is TAKEN? Am I too harsh with you? Am I too cold? Or you simply want to get something you know, I CAN'T GIVE YOU NOW??

Don't be such a dumbass liar, a freak man, like the others. I've loved you all this time, but look what did to me now? Look on what's happening now. See? This is the product of your FOOLISH PRIDE, of your FOOLISH LIES, and your UNCONTROLLED LUST.

Then to that girl,please, stay away. I'm asking you dearly, okay?

*To my readers, sorry for all the things that I wrote here. This is how foolish I am for believing everything in this LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

WEDNESDAY TENSION.

Today is our group presentation in Filipino. Almost everyone have their respective groups. Anyway, it has something to do with the title and how the group presentation went on.

1st group got: 82% only.
2nd group got: 85% only.
3rd group got: 87% only.
4th group got: 84% only.

This are the grades we got from our GROUP presentation, and these were given by our dear classmates. But you know what's on my mind when we received such grades from them? I had this unfair feeling. Why? Actually, it started with my group. Receiving 82% is not bad, but the way it was graded? OMY. First, the rubrics is good. But, the way my classmates gave their grades is quite unfair.

I saw the other groups presentation, everyone is quite prepared, especially the third and the fourth group. The third group did the symbolism part and the fourth group explained about the moral of the lesson. What made me disappointed is that they gave a stunning 19 points for the 2nd group while the 4th group received only 18 points?! Imagine my dismay when I saw that. The second group had NO visuals or any costumes since they were assigned to perform the said part, BUT come to think of it.. they received a point higher than the other while they are not EVEN prepared with that short skit? Yes, they memorized only a FEW of their lines, but they didn't even show something that I CAN SAY.. ENOUGH for them to receive that grade. I was like WTH with them? Can't they see the difference?! It's super unfair for the other group.

Good thing, our teacher asked us to comment about the presentations. And obviously, I commented, but, I didn't use or group to compare with them,it would be such a loser thing to their eyes. How freaky. Obviously, I commented because it would be unfair to the other groups who did such a good presentation, but receiving only a poor grade. Every grade counts! Even a point or one! And well, I saw their brows pointing to me. Now I know.. some people are not that strong to admit or to receive the consequences of their actions.

Besides, that's what I see. It's my opinion. and, the REAL thing is very OBVIOUS. I just hate it when people needs to be blind to see what's in front of them.

FRIDAY NOMINATION.



I was hell-a nominated. So, there, please try to vote.. HAHAHA. =)
Even a little. :)
I just wanna experience the feeling of being nominated. lol.

So, there.. I would be ranting about my life later, together with my freakin' boyfie. lol. ((:
Is he a boyfie, though? HAHAHA :D

I was hella bored and busy lately that's why I missed blogging so much ((:

Now, I'll be ranting almost about everything. I now have the courage to stoop down and look back on the past. Just as things went smoothly lately, just as my long lost best friend, finally had her time to talk to me again. :) Am so happpppy.

THURSDAY FREAK.

Sadly, my dude(dad) was confined to the hospital, because of high blood at the same time, Diabetes too, I GUESS. It was freaky to find him sleeping on their room and he's feeling weird that time. He told me about how he felt, and you know, I was too shocked to know about his condition. Again, after a long time, he was confined to the hospital again. Mom, isn't here that time, but I immediately told him about dude, so she went home early. Luckily, he's fine when he was on the hospital, despite the poor condition there. I simply hate staying there thou. Then, Later on the evening, I realized that no one was with me then. I'm with my auntie at home, the two of us only.


FRIDAY BACK.
Friday morning, I was so surprised to found my LONG LOST hankie on my cabinet. Gaad. That was freakin' scary. I was so surprised because I lost that for 3 weeks already, only to find out that, my auntie found it on her laundry. I was like WTH? I'm not expecting that my hankie will be back again. And you know, what's significant with that? My ex-boyfriend gave that to me. HAHAHA. :D

School hours were over, and since it's a half-day, my friends were asking me to come with them and spend hours on Cedrick's house. I wasn't able to come since I need to go home early, thinking that I should go to the hospital then. And, I only have Joseph (another friend of mine) who knows what's going on. Anyway, they understand it thou. BUT... what's freakin' crazy is that, my ex-boyfriend texted me, trying to ask me back. ((: Imagine how happy I was with that.. :))

This is the day wherein I found my hankie(given by my ex- boyfriend), only finding that he would comeback later in the afternoon! Gaaaaaad. Super happy. We talked about things then, trying to fix everything.


SATURDAY HELL.
Saturday's fun! SUPER DUPER. I did some camwhoring on the school's comfort room after the Parents' orientation. I love camwhoring. lol. Every josephian love it. I had lots of pictures, I enjoyed doing so. lol.

You know, the best thing here? I'm wearing my BORA shirt! whew! love it!


SUNDAY HOLY.
Tita and I went to church. I saw some familiar faces, and guess what..
I saw my ex-ka-MU's mom! It's tita Emer! Yaaay. I missed her then. She was good to me back then. She likes me and she even thinks of me as her son's gf. WTF. I've never BEEEEEN! SWEAR. Not on my dreams anyway. But, anyway, she's really hospitable, very approaching. She's way different from her son. Her son is like.. duh. ;)) nuff said. :)


MONDAY HAPPINESS.
Finally, we talked about things, and made things OFFICIAL again. Swear. I'm using the handkerchief again, and the ring. Actually, we had a world war again, but luckily, pride isn't present anymore. :)

My dude came home already. He's a bit okay, and he still has vertigo. :| Poor dude.
BTW, mom and dude, even auntie, don't know about us. Just plaese, keep quiet. :(
We wanted to last forever. I'm sorry dude, mom and tita. :(( We simply love each other. :( I'm hoping that someday, you all, are going to accept him. :|
Super sad. :(((


TUESDAY APOLOGIES.
We talked about things again. About his ex. But you know what, this hurts me MOOOORE. As in. Super hurt. Freaking hell. He apologized then, and I was trying to hold my temper, and to love him MORE than how he feels about me. Damn. I was this crazy to accept this guy. And you know what, we're okay. I was trying to keep the memories away. And so, I'm happy with him now.

Lord, thank you so much.


WEDNESDAY HEARTS AND STRINGS ATTACHED.
This day is uber cool. We don't have classes since it's Manila Day. I got a mad wake up message from my guy. Damn. But.. since I was too sleepy, I fell asleep again after I explained everything to him. He was like.. crazy. He apologized for what he said that day. He even called me "baby, mah, sweetie" again. I was super kilig when I woke up. I texted him immediately, saying I was okay, and that I was hoping that he would not do that again. I texted him from morning, then, another message for lunch. Then he texted me when he got home then. Okay, do you think, am such a nagger? Nah. I'm not. He simply want me to be that way to him. He wanted me to text him at least thrice a day, updating him about everything. :) Good thing, I have a boyfie like him. lol. I forgot about the past already.

He even texted me with "I missed you". :) I know, that's uber sweet.


THURSDAY MADNESS.
Again. Another hell-y thursday. It's raining hard outside. Classes were suspended. I was super afraid to go outside. I can't even buy load for myself even for boyfie. :( Super sad.

BUT.. my boyfie's super sweet! I received a uber sweet morning message from him. I looove him. He greeted me with "take care baby,I love you..,". HAHAHA. Who wouldn't get chessy with that? I got a big smile today. HAHAHA. As in. Okay, my boyfie's the best. I looove him. SUPER.

And, guess what, I chat with my old friend in US. HAHA. I missed her. She really changed though. She also had her boyfriend. And you know, they look good together. :) Am happy for her. Hope to see her soon!

BTW, I guess, we'll have our classes tomorrow. So, I gotta need to sleep early tonight. :)
And well, thank Big Bro, for giving him back to me. I love you Big Bro! I looooove Boyfie too! I miss you. :">

First, to my dear readers, I can't promise that this blog may have a big impact to you or to me or to somebody else. Forgive me now. I just want to write everything out. I just want to share my thoughts, because of one thing.. "I just can't take this pain anymore".

I feel lost now. I just can't take the pain I'm experiencing now.I've cried everything out, but still the pain won't die on its natural death. There is still something that made me cry each time I saw those things or I hear those words.

Since school year just started, I've been quite busy with my studies as well as with my plans. But, I never thought that I would start this school year with a depressing state. Obviously, we've been for two years together with all the pains, happiness, struggles, and challenges we conquered. I know I changed something in him, and I know he changed something in me too. What's burning me most is the fact that I just can't leave everything behind my back. You know the so called thing "move on", right? But, why can't I? To be cruelly honest to myself and to everybody, I don't really know where I went wrong, at this point. Yesterday, we were like children, who were cursing each other, and even saying things that we know, these hurt us too. I don't really know what road to take, or what baggage to leave. I don't even know what he really feel about it. My mind would always be filled with such thing as "I don't know". And the most I don't know thing is, the reason why he lied.

Some people advised me to move on. But, aren't they aware that two years is quite hard to just move on and give up the one you love? At this point, I wanna show him that I'm strong enough, even without him. I wanna let him feel how hard is it to be bitter on the coming days. But, do you think, am I happy with that? Of course, that wouldn't be fine with me, because deep inside this damn thing is the fact that, love still exist. AND WILL ALWAYS EXIST.

To make things worst, he's calling me a user. I was wondering why?! I can simply say "hell I care?!", but of course, I won't do that thing. I don't really know the reason why he's calling me a user. I was hurt. I was in deep pain. I have nothing to do, but think why things are like that, why things changed in just a snap, and why did he used somebody else to break up with me. It would always be much braver and easier to tell the truth than to make a story for me to believe in.

Why can't he understand that am being hurt and shattered into pieces while he's saying all those lies? No, this isn't martyrdom at all. For me, this is my promise. Wanna know why?

Simply because, before he came back,
I told God, that the moment that we'll be together again, I promised to be with him, to fight for him with all my might, to be his dream girl, to be the best person that I can be. And until now, that is my promise.

But now, that this happened, I don't know how to fulfill this promise anymore. :((
I'm sorry, I just can't help but cry. :(

It was a freaky Wednesday when I texted him thinking that he would understand why I came home late. Okay.. Yaaaay for me. I've been honest na.

Yes. I'm cruelly honest na with Karl, because I know this is for us. This gonna be a way to bring everything back to it's proper place. BUT... later in the evening, I wonder why he got mad at me. I don't know any reasons. I'm SUPER patient now. Swear. He was mad and he's asking me why I'm not texting him since it's dinner time already.. then I said, I'm busy with homeworks and other school stuffs, when all of a sudden, he doubtfully ask me certain questions. I wonder why. I know I came home late because of the orientation but, I've explained that to him.

The fight went on.. he's like stepping into my pride and he made me feel humiliated with the way he asked his questions. What the hell did I do karl? Then, thursday finally came, later in the afternoon, he talked to one of my closest girl friend, and said everything about what's happening between us. Yaay. I wanna cry. He don't understand me. What's the point of saying sorry? I don't have to say sorry. I'm so into him. He don't believe at all. He's thinking that I was the same old [insert my name here], who dumped him before. But he don't understand. I changed! I know I haved! Yes. I'm stupid to do so, but I changed.

Thursday night came, I was shocked to hear his news. His ex girlfriend called him DAW. He was looking for his ex daw kasi when we broke up. Then suddenly, here's the result. They talked for hours maybe, then they end up reconciling with each other and the girl accepted him again. See? It feels like hell. What's the point of saying this?

Hindi porket nag-away kami eh magkakabalikan na sila. That's my point. Besides, gf ako? I have the rights. BUT.. honestly.. I don't believe him. I don't believe him saying that they're like unofficially together again. I know karl. I still believe that he loves me. I still do.

I wanna talk to girl, right now just to clear things out. He gave the girl's number which is in abroad pa, but I failed to contact her. So, meaning, he's lying. :(
This is the first time that I caught him lying. SRSLY. Is he doing this as a repay for me being- UNFAITHFUL to him before? Is he just playing around to let me know how it feels to be dumped?

Karl, why do you have to lie?
What is your motive?
I know you very well, so there's no point of denying that you're just lying.
The reason is too shallow for you to act like that.
Are you happy with this? tell me! :(

You've been my happiness.
You've my worst enemy.
But, despite of everything, you'll always be my man beyond forever.

Yaaay. :) June 3, 2009-Wednesday, is really an awesome day! My honey's back :)) I super love him. It's been a month since we parted, and now we're I guess, super in love and very much in love with each other. I'd like to say it redundantly. I miss him so much. I thought, he's in abroad already, but I knew my instincts never failed me! YES! He's here in Philippines, because obviously, he can't leave me. Woo. I'm such a meanie. :))

My long wait, depressed emotions are over. I wanna be his best girl. I wanted to let him that everything's worth the wait.

Actually, it was a freaky afternoon, when I got a missed call from him. At first, I was really hesitant to see who's on the line then, but when I saw his name, I'm sooooo emotional. I cried because of joy and longing. Until, I texted him, asking, what's his problem, then he's like in denial, that he's really calling me. Then he said "take care", I replied with, "Sure, I will. You too.", after that, he replied with "i love you". Of course, I said, "I love you too- you know that". Gaaaaad. Love is indeed lovelier the second time around. My eyes was in deep tears. I miss my Karl! I know, he still love me. We finally reconciled, and decided to take the risks again, and stay in love again.

I really appreciate the way he did. He made a way to bring things back together. I'm so in love with my guy. I really love him. My love didn't changed at all. I've been blogging things about our so called on and off relationship, but this was the only time that I've been so happy knowing and feeling that we're together again. Two years is quite long for all the things that we've been through, but these two years just keep us better. I know were not the perfect couple, but this time, I believe that, God made this for us. This is His way, that's why I wasn't frightened to give my precious "yes", to the man I've been in love for the longest time.

I'm hoping for these two years to be moooooore fruitful. I know my parents wouldn't want us to see together again, but I wanna prove them, that my man, is a good one, that he changed already. I wanna grow together with my karl, and I love him so much.


To my honey,
Honey, I love you so much.
Our two years are not that good, but please, this time, let's make it right.
As you said so.
Your baby loves you so much. I love you honey.
Please be good to me, okay? :">

I miss you.
Distance isn't a reason :)
I wanna grow with you.
HONEY, please, a little freedom okay?
Your baby loves you so much..

Yaaaaay. :)) I so love blogging today. Anyway, I have some pics here where we took in Tokyo Cafe at SM North Edsa The Block. I so love the place. Yes! The food too! It's a fine dining and I would recommend this place for all the couples! :)) The place is not that big but enough to occupy at least 30 people I guess, and the food tastes ooh~la~la. I love it! I love the steak, super juicy. Their costs is quite fine because the servings(per set of food) were really enough for two people. Perfect date! :)

This time, I promised to be true, even if it means that vanity will be my crime.
One more thing, I wanted to speak on my native tongue even just for today.

This is an open letter, the moment you read this karl, you're going to understand that I'm desperate.

kamusta ka na? You know what, I've been waiting for you for so long, to call me or leave a message back. Pasensya ka na. I'm quite depressed these past few days. My mind isn't functioning well. My instincts aren't really telling me anything, not unless the fact that, destiny still exist between the two of us.

I have this effin' headache. I'm sick, right now, I know you won't mind asking me why. Anyway, as this depression strikes out, the effin weather makes me lonely. The rain is quite hard and pouring, leaving all the streets flooded, soaked, and wet. I was watching a t.v program last time, and guess what... I ended crying all along, then trying to fix MY problem by simply taking a bath just for them not to notice me crying. The talk show host is right. She's right for mentioning na yung rains eh symbol ng problems or whatever shortcomings. Tama naman eh. I'm stucked in this effin' memories, trying to get up, but still buried alive.

Bakit ba hindi ko kayang maging better without you? Yes. I'm vain nga. You wanna know why? Imagine, I created a blogspot account just for you to read my thoughts someday, then I had this multiply account, which I actually use to sneak through others' account expecting you to be their friend or online buddy. Gumawa din ako ng facebook account and added the other people who happened to be somewhat related to your name. Vain much dear? :) I also have a twitter account, and guess what... I'm looking for you there. Next time, xanga account naman, or myspace, or AOL. Anything na ginagamit sa Canada , kung nandun ka nga. Yaaay! I'm crying na. :(

Okay, kulang ang 24/7 para sabihin lahat. Usually, I rant here lang, too bad you came, you broke my heart, now, mga heartaches na ang maririnig (mababasa) nila dito. I've been such a stagnant water for quite long, and lahat dahil sayo?! Boohooo! Poor me. I don't think na pinagsisishan ko to, never hon. :) Never.

Now, I'm going to sleep na. I finished crying and ranting.

Thanks to this blog, for giving me this chance, to mess you up. :)
Sooner later, pag nabasa niya LAHAT to, it will be worth the time and effort. :)


lovesssss,
Karl Aldrine's geek. :)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Obviously, the song here is "fall for you" by the secondhand serenade. I'm really not into music, but I don't know why I went gaga over this song. I love the lyrics so much. maybe this is because I'm still into him. I'm still dreaming everything about him, everything about us. haha.

How I wish, time will come will come that he's going to sing this song to me, that we're going to be together again, that he'll love me again the way he did it before.

And yes! I love the word "again".
'coz I know, there would never be us "again". But still, in my memories, there are always, another us, another him, another me that lives.

I'm sorry.