potato thoughts

The Geek Chic.

2010-09-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

Hello guys! :) Finally, I have moved on to: http://milkywhitelady.tumblr.com

But I'm still going to post some life's tidbits here. :) So yes, thank you for the readers and bloggers!

Perfectly Imperfect Life.

2010-08-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Back in my freshmen and sophomore years, I always thought that my life was perfect. I used to assume that everything's going the way things should be. But, believe me, nothing's perfect. And my life has proved it. I thought I have everything, from good grades to good boyfriend to good family to good life. Can you spell it: P-E-R-F-E-C-T? But look, something's missing. Right?

I realized that nothing's absolutely perfect. I don't have the perfect bikini body, the perfect angelic face, not even the perfect elite life. Yes, I thought everything's perfect not until I realized that I don't have my friends. Wait! Omit the word "my". Funny as you think. But, what is life without friends, right? What is high school without fun?

I've never even dared to drink or sip a bit of alcohol. (Well you know, I sometimes wanted to, but thinking about how alcohol can affect my behavior. Geez. The hell I care.) I haven't smoke, not even a try. I never dared to go home late with friends. I never even had the chance to take college entrance exams with a bunch of friends not even the chance to submit applications with them. I haven't gone with them to movies. I had no sleep over memories 'coz I haven't experience one. You know what, there's so much more to discover about me.

I exactly know the feeling of being alone. I found real friends when I reached my senior year. It's like, I've wasted all my time on my high school years concentrating on one single thing or passion alone. All this years, I wanted to feel loved and happy with a bunch of friends. I wanted to feel the care of TRUE friends. I do believe that they're rare to find. I do believe that life is nothing without friends. I'm not Anti-Social or anything. Maybe, I'm still the old fashioned teenager. I would always choose to stay at home than enjoy my weekends with friends. I would rather watch movies alone or with my auntie than watch one with them.

I know, there's so much more to remember on your teenage years than mine-aside from occasional heartaches. I bet you're going to tell me that I'm pretty KJ and sarcastic. But, I'm actually not. Maybe, I'm too picky with my friends. I'll avoid them if I don't like what they did or said. I'm always the opinionated girl who would always say what's on her mind.

I know how it feels to date a guy. SWEAR. I've experienced that! I know how to heal a broken heart. I know how to surprise a guy and to make him cry because of happiness. But for now, since, I'm not in a relationship with someone, I was able to manage my relationships with my college friends, my new found circle of friends. I was able to appreciate people more. To keep my mouth shut when needed. To speak my mind when I have to. To laugh with all the stupid jokes and mistakes!

Now, I feel glad that my life isn't perfect. And I would rather not want it to be one.

This must have been love.

2010-08-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

He has always been the reason of my pain. WE used to talk a lot on the phone this past few weeks. We had a lot of petty fights. Yes, we do fight A LOT. We've been to a lot of good times and bad times. He has been my crying shoulder when my world is falling apart. He has been the best boyfriend(never mind the looks) ever despite of all the pains he have caused me.

But things aren't really perfect. We just can't be perfect. We just can't be the same old "Karl and Tinie" who used to be patient with each other. We're both struggling to be with each other. We're both fighting for each other. We're actually doing it better this time. But still, the pain never went away. But we're madly, deeply in love? What's the point of giving up? Right?

There are also times when we actually want to give up. Why? Because we're together for three years and we haven't seen each other again. Our relationship has always been in a rocky state, that no matter how much we try to give up and surrender, we would always be fighting and fighting and fighting for each other. We would always be running towards each others' arms while saying how much we wanted to stay together.

We actually had each other through the test of time. We've been to a lot of trials. I told you. You don't know how painful it was for me to keep everything as a secret. You don't know how many liters of tears that fall each time we fight. You don't know how patient we are not to run away from home just to see each other. You don't now everything.

We actually wanted the whole world to know everything about us. But this is our relationship. It's not between everyone and I but it's always between HIM and ME. Karl and Tinie. We could have been the perfect couple. We could have been very much, madly, deeply in love. Sounds redundant? That's how love is. Redundant yet it's true. If I'm going to be questioned why do I feel this way after all the pains, then probably, you would assume that Love is reaaaaalllly BLIND. But Love isn't blind after all. It's just that I know how to forgive and I've accepted all his flaws that's why I love him.

Now, tears are really falling. How I wish, I'm outside the house while the rain keeps falling on my head. This reminds me of the lyrics of the song: " Raindrops keep falling on my head...". I'm not really sure about the title. But I think, it is already the title of the song. What else can I say? It's not the raindrops that keep on falling. It's the tears that keep my eyes on turning red.

I know words are not enough to tell them everything. I know we cannot go back to the times when we started having that puppy love. I know things are very different now. What else can I say?

Things are over now. We could have been the perfect couple. We could have been PERFECTLY TOGETHER.

Never assume unless otherwise stated.

2010-08-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Please don't make me feel special then ignore me afterwards. Please. It's killing me twister. It's really killing me. :|

Will this give me new a found lover?

2010-07-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

It was Thursday afternoon when I met this guy with his friends at a local fastfood chain inside our school. Yes, there on the carpark. Here goes the story:

We lined up at the counter to order our foods when my friend "Roselle" saw her schoolmate back in high school on the other lane. Her schoolmate was with his group of friends which includes this cute guy (twister boy). He's such a cutie that I can't resist. Well, even my friend said so. Then after that, we were introduced to each other. Say hi-s and hello-s and exchanged names not numbers. I was so kilig that when I went upstairs with my food, I make kwento to my friends about him.

I was really smiling when I told Mart about him. Haha! And I wasn't really expecting that I'll be seating to the table right in front of him. Geez. He actuaaaalllllyyyy has a nice smile with brown dyed hair. Okay, I was crushing on him. Just a BIT. k?

We were eating na when I noticed that we can't help but stare at each other then smile while eating. My friends were all laughing and making fun of their stories while we're eating. But the two of us just can't help staring. We're both staring blankly with each other then smiling afterwards. What the hell is wrong with us? :)) Then, because of that he made a mess out of his food. I was really laughing hard not because that happened but because we we're eating the same food. hahaha! He said sorry anyway, but he's so cute when he laughed. Yes, I just can't resist.

That's probably the end of that day. I was like wanting to look for him after. LOL. Kidding. But we don't know where he was. So, what's next? I don't think I found a new lovey dovey. Whatever.

But waaaaittttt, I didn't notice that we almost crossed our ways the next day after! Geez.

AB Debate Parliament Screening day.

2010-07-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of the Screening for the ABDP (AB Debate Parliament). I confirmed for the Friday schedule despite the fact that I'm going to watch the Unrbandub tonight. I know I didn't enjoy my day but I am so freakin' excited for the results of the screening.

Okay, I was hoping to pass. I was really hoping. So, I hope my excitement won't give me false hopes. okay? Geeez.

The first recollection day of 1CA4.

2010-07-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today is our first ever recollection day at the Med Auditorium. The program was really enlightening. There a lots of songs to sing and dance. I actually enjoyed it. It's not boring at all.

What can I say? Being a Thomasian is a one in a million prize!

Failures.

2010-07-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

My life is currently on a a FAILURE.

frustrations and many other frustrations.

2010-07-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Hello best friend. :) It's been a week since I visited you. Now, I'm in trouble again. :(

I'm in tears. :( I bet, you can feel that. I actually have lots of friends to open up to, but I feel like I just can't do it that way. I'm either lost or in a state of confusion. I'm still reminiscing the things we used to do together. You know what, I acted like I don't really care, that everything's okay. But it's really bugging me now. :(

For 35 months, I never thought that we would end up like this. That he wouldn't even bother to listen to me. That he wouldn't even care whether the story/ message is true. I felt like I've never been trusted by him. I felt betrayed. :( What's wrong with him? It seems like he don't know me at all. It seems that there was nothing between us before. :( I really feel bad about it. :( I'm bursting out in tears.

Nothing's working.

2010-07-03T03:15:00.000-07:00

It's July already. I've been into a rocky situation lately. I was like shattered and broke down into tears.

Whatever it is, I know, God's Will will prevail. :|

The amazing Mr.Almost-Perfect.

2010-06-25T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm now in college life, right? So, I guess, it's not wrong or bad to look at some boys naman. Anyway, on my first few days in college, I didn't notice anyone in the class except for this guy who looks really mysterious. He's like my ex for so many ways.

Let's list down.

1. He really looks mysterious.

2. He's quiet. REALLY QUIET in class.

3. He would only smile if I joke around or I initiate some talks.

Those are just some. But, do you know what caught my attention? It was our Theology class when we're told to introduce our seatmates to the class. He was introduced to the class as the "former student council president" and he also graduated with honors. So, I was like, "really?" then, "He is it.", with a smile on my face. :) After that he left a mark on my mind.

For some unexpected reasons, we were together one afternoon after the freshmen walk started. We sent Dalle to the terminal, so that, she would be able to go home SAFE. :) After that, we talked about a lot of things. I'm so random during that time,. I even asked him about his family, his former school (since we're both Josephians, but he's from another school, not related to ours), his workshops on ABS-CBN and many other things. I find him quite interesting you know.

Now, it's like I wanted to study harder 'cause he's really intelligent. I don't wanna feel inferior to him. He's not my type because I used to be in love with bad boys, but I found him as a real friend. I'm not after the competition. I just want to prove that I can do something more as much as his.

Well, goodbye good-girl-gone-bad image! Hello little miss studious AGAIN :)

Culture change for College Days.

2010-06-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

Last time, I blogged about entering college life and all those things that's bugging me, right? This time, I'm going to blog about what's happening to me in our university.

First few days are really fun. I met new friends and new people. I even became interested in different school organizations. I met the CASAns and every Thomasian, my friends are introducing to me. It's pretty fun to meet them and I feel like I belong. :)

Dalle Sanchez is my first friend there. So, nowadays, we used to call each other"SUPER FRIEND" 'cause we have a lot in common. Then, the next few days, I've been with Michael Oriel, Jenzine Alcanatara, Mary Justine Clamar, and my "ULTIMATE FRIEND" John Francis Antonio. Few days after, I've been close with "FRIEN-NEMY" Ajay Mercado. He's the cutie type. Actually,I can clutch my arms with his without any meaning, just friends!:) That's how we are. I never thought that I would be close to them. I learned to cross the streets of Lacson, instead of Dapitan because of them.

Another week came and here's the most awaited freshmen walk that happened last Wednesday. Because of that walk, I was able to talk to Jan Michael Borja whom I refer to as "PARTNER". We sent Dalle to Park and Ride because she don't know how to go home. :|

Anyway, freshmen walk is really fun. We walked under the Arch of the century while cheering with our respective faculty. Everyone's so fun to be with. We took a lot of pictures together and posted some on FB. Then few of us, went to party with the other Thomasians! :)

So, it's really an awesome week for us. I met a lot of people, and eventually learned to socialize with everybody! :)

Ace that UNO. You're now a Tomasino.

2010-06-09T02:26:00.000-07:00

I will enter the college world soon. Yes, I'll be a Tomasian soon. But still, something's bugging me. So, here it goes:

I'm not used to have a LOT of friends. And on my new journey ahead, I wouldn't want to be let alone. Will people learn to accept me? Will I face some judgments and misunderstandings towards others?
Will I ever learn to be a grammarian? Well, I know, I still have flaws and grammatical errors in writing and I want to improve them.
Will college life make me say "the ride is worthwhile."?
What are the pressures? Is there any assurance that my course will lend me into good jobs someday?
Lastly, will I ace the uno on the list?

Okay, I have lots of questions in mind but whatever they are, I wanted to have fun and enjoy the remaining four years of studying. I want to have a good career in the future. And I surely know that everybody wants that anyway.

Now, I have a long way ahead. So, why feel so nostalgic? :) Everything's new, every person has changed. So, just enjoy the ride.

Why does insecurity hits almost everybody?

2010-06-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

Lately, news from the internet and different networking sites annoy me much. The news is all about the pretty face teen inside the famous Pinoy Big Brother house, Tricia Santos. Her immaturity became a big deal to everybody specifically, to the consistent viewers of the said reality show.

So, when will people ever learn to accept someone? In my own opinion, it's not right to judge and keep on judging someone you don't know personally. I've been once on her shoes and I understand the feeling of being left out, misjudged and misinterpreted. I don't think she's there just for you to judge her or watch every step or action she makes. She's there because she wanted to prove something for herself. We're not related or anything, I just feel sorry for her when people talk behind her back.

As for a teenager, I think, she's still in the stage of maturity. Can you still remember that you are once acting like an immature little kid on your high school years? Basically, she's still adjusting and she's still trying to be herself even when others are there criticizing her.

Anyway, it's fine to criticize but don't overdo that. Because when you do, you're like being a weird bitch crying around 'coz of insecurity. Well, I'm not saying that she deserves to win the title but nevertheless, she deserves to be respected.

Just saying.

Cold summer days at the City of Pines.

2010-04-11T22:44:00.000-07:00

Summer is usually a sizzling hot season for everyone. But, unlike everyone else, I wanted my summer to be as cold or freezy as I want! So, my pretty auntie bought two tickets to Baguio. In my surprise, I immediately said, "Yes! I will come with you!", before mom allowed me.

So, at around past 12 midnight we went to the bus station and along our journey ahead, it's like I'm freezing na. It's super cold inside the bus. Everybody's asleep but still, I was able to read my book even when the lights are turned off. haha! I did random stuffs just to ease the cold feeling. Boring, yes.

On our first day there, tita and I went strolling around the Mines View Park. I was able to ave my picture taken with a dog. Then, with a white horse, and an igorot. :) I had so much funnnnn! After that, I took a lot of pictures of the streets. We went straight to Good Shepherd to buy some delicacies, then, went back to the transient house we've checked in earlier. In the afternoon, we went malling at SM Baguio and boating at Burnham Park.

At night, we went to the Baguio Cathedral and attended the mass for a while. And the day's over! Another day ahead! :)

Our second day isn't that fun. But, I'm so tired parin. I didn't went out of the transient house to stroll but, wait.. As far as I can remember, I went out naman to go online and chat with my friends. :)) Then, few hours later, we have to get ready na to go to the bus station to go home.

Tiring yet fun. :)

Next on line, HOPEFULLY... is Davao or Cebu! :)

(photos will be posted next time.)

Happy 17th Birthday Bhez! :)

2010-04-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

So, I'm back from the outing. I have lots of pictures here. And, not all pictures are good to see. haha. Kbye. :))

me with the birthday boy at the back :D

the place.

our long missed friend. :)) Danielle Villanueva.

kinda tanned. :(

I missed the old days. haha! We're like children anyway. :))

at the pool with everyone else.

with Ms. Lucina. She's on white.

That's all for today. I'm really not in the mood. I don't know why.

Nothing lasts forever other than memories.

2010-04-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

So, I was freakin' excited for the coming outing. I mean, the coming birthday bash of my best friend forever Richard. I thought mom's not going to allow me. But, she does! So, birthday boy went to our house today to confirm all the details and to make paalam to mom for tomorrow's event. My auntie is going to cook Adobo for everybody since birthday boy requested that dish. haha! He's really thrilled and excited. LOL. I think, because, he loves the water so much. Whatever.

But, since we're going out to swim, I became excited because he told everybody that we're going to be at 9 waves resort. Dang. He said we're going to Splash mountain instead. I was like: What the hell? Me and my family went there five years ago or six years ago? I think. I was young then. I hate the resort because the water's really HOT. They have hot springs kasi. And you have to pay for additional charges if you want a cold water experience. Anyway, wish us luck tomorrow. I'm going to convince him that we should go to Jed's or Paradise instead. :))

32 months of happiness, trials and DISTANCE.

2010-04-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Vanilla Twilight lyrics
Songwriters: Young, Adam;

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

(lyrics courtesy of: www.elyrics.net)

I can't help but post the lyrics of the song "Vanilla Twilight". (:
Today's a very important day for me, despite the Lenten Season celebration.

Hope to see you again, dear :)

This one's for my past. :)

2010-03-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Hello. I bet you know who you are. I'm pretty happy that I'm over you. :) Thanks for letting me go NIKKO. :) I mean it. Thank you :)

I just want to share you the song I was singing months ago. :) Hope you like it.

Muling Balikan ang Nakaraan.

2010-03-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

Si John Nikko at si Justine Marie. Okay, j(squared) ang bansag ng mga kaklase ko sa amin. :|

Wala lang, I wanna post our picture here. Marami kasing nagtatanong kung mamimiss ko siya. And every time they ask this question, I always went SPEECHLESS. Maybe, because he’s always two steps away from me, when they’re asking that, or just maybe, I don’t wanna rewind and play the memories again. I wanna count on the memories.:)

1. I met him last October 23, 2009. Late na diba? He’s a transferee kasi, from a school in Riyadh. His family went back here in the Philippines for good. Friday yan, tandang tanda ko pa. :p Una siyang pinakilala sa akin ng teacher namin, kasi nga magiging classmate daw namin siya. Then the convo went like this:

Teacher: Natatandaan mo pa ba siya Justine? Siya si Nikko, klasmeyt niyo dati.

Ako: Ay, hindi po miss eh.

2. Oct. 26, 2009 first day niya sa class. Syempre bago siya, medyo intimidating yung dating sa akin. Parang natatakot ako na ewan. Nagrerecite ako sa english class namin, nakatitig siya. Like whuaaat? May dumi ba ako sa mukha? Ganon. Then, physics time na nung nilapitan ko siya para chikahin. Okay naman pala, mabaet. fine. INSTANT FRIENDS KAMI. =)) Nung araw na yun ko din nalaman na, MAGALING SIYA SA MATH. Idol.

3. October 27, 2009, music class namin, at dahil kinabukasan ay retreat na, walang klase halos the whole day! Sobra sa khyperan kami ni bruha (Joanna), siya, eh nangungulit din, nandito, kwentuhan kami nang kwentuhan, nagkwentuhan na din tungkol sa lovelife at kung ano ano pa. Natatandaan ko, nagkyukyutiks kami ng paa nun ni bru nung lumapit siya para kulitin ako eh. Uwian din nun nung nilapitan niya ako, dumikit pa eh sabay sabing:

Nikko: Ang liit mo pala. :))

Oh, diba, loko eh noh. Matangkad kasi eh.

4. October 28-30,2009. Retreat! Yes! Eto na pinakamasaya eh. sobra. kung alam lang nila. :) As usual, mega kwentuhan parin kaming lahat. Nakaupo siya from a distance, sa likod ng bus. Then, nung sessions na, ayun. Super megakwentuhan kami. Ewan ko ba, minsan, lalapit siya para makipagkwentuhan. Minsan, ako naman. Pero, eto talaga pinakamalupit na linyang narinig ko sa kanya na umikot mundo ko:

Ako: jam, ang cute naman ng teddy bear mo. Magkano bili mo?

Jam: oo nga eh. :) Bigay lang ni Arlo to. 800 ata eh.

Ako: Sige, hahanap nga ako ng magbibigay din skin ng ganyan. :)) *tawa*

Nikko: Magkano? 800 ba? Makabili nga! *joke*

Oha, yan yun. May isa pa:

Ako: nikko, kelan birthday mo?

Nikko: january 9.

Ako: di nga?

Nikko: bakit kelan ba birthday mo?

Ako: january 11.

Nikko: makapagpapalit nga ng birth certificate! HAHAHAAHAH. *tawa*

Eto pa isa,

Ako: Guys, ano pinakasweet na nagawa niyo sa mga ex niyo?

Lemon: Wala pa ako. Di pa nga ako nagkaka-gf eh.

Nikko: Ako wala pa. Wala pa kasing nagsasabing sweet ako eh.

Ako: Ah, kasi ako, nasusweetan ako sa guy na nagbibigay ng love letter. :)) wala lang, ang sweet. :)) Gusto ko, sa birthday ko, ganun!

Nikko: kelan ba birthday mo? pare, may bibigyan ako ng love letter sa januray eh. sino ba may birthday dito sa january? :)) *tawa* *ngiti*

May isa pa:

Dave: Marunong ka ba mag-gitara?

Nikko: Oo!

Dave: Marunong ka ba mag drums?

Nikko: Oo! *joke lang niya yun*

Dave: Oh, pasado ka na! pwede ka na mag-apply! Yan yung resume mo kay justine!

Nikko: *tawa* Hirap kasi maghanap ng babaeng single eh. :p *bulong sa akin.*

Tapos, nung uwian na namin, ayun na. Katabi ko si tart (jorel), nagkukwentuhan kami, tinatanong kung gusto ko daw ba yung bago smin. SPEECHLESS AKO. Di rin kami nagkatabi sa bus, pero, may usapan pala sila ni nikko, sasabihin niyang positive pag lalapit na crush niya. Eh mahilig daw sa maputi ang loko, so, lahat ng maputi eh tinanong na ni tart kung gusto niya, ayaw DAW. Nung ako na lumapit, sabi nilang dalawa.. POSITIVE.

Pagkauwi na pagkauwi ko, kwento talaga ako kay mama, siya agad nakuwento ko. Lakas kasi niya mambwisit sa akin eh. Super. May late night kwentuhan pa kami nun. parehas kaming puyat ni nikko. :)) HAHAHAHA.

5. October 31, 2009: nagsesearch ako sa FB, hahanapin ko sana si Nikko, nang hindi ko namamalayan.. NAKA-ADD na pala siya sa friends ko. Sa sobrang gulat ko eh, tawa nang tawa si mama. Fine. nag-comment at nag-message din ako sa kanya nun,Palitan ng no. Oo! Globe din siya. Edi megatext kami at tawag siya sa akin hanggang nov. 1.

6. Nov.2 hanggang Nov. 5, tawag nang tawag ang loko. 24/7 ata. Okay lang, natutuwa naman akong kausap siya. Oo na, kilig na minsan.

7. Nov. 8, nagtrip kami sa Y!M. Pic ko, avatar niya, pic niya, avatar ko. Nagulantang mga kaklase namin. Kaya, pagdating sa school…

8. Nov. 9: Filipino Class:

Ako: Miss, wala nga po akong boypren eh!

binibini: aba, sinisigawa mo ako. Ay justine, payag ka niyan, tinatawanan ka ni pangilinan……

Nikko: *tawa* *tawa*

KLASE: relasyooooooooonnnnnnn! :))

9. Simula nun, close na kami lagi. Pag sa Math, tinuturuan niya ako, pag may projects naman, tinutulungan ko siya. Oha, effort diba. Nagkakagalit kami minsan, Oo na. Parang couple. Away-bati kami. bakit ba. :)) Jan din syempre nagsimula yung tawagan namin.. “BABY, BY, SWEETIE, HONEY”. Nagselos din siya sa isang kaklase ko. Nagselos din ako sa tinititigan niya nun. Nagalit siya sa akin, nagalit din ako sa kanya. Pinakilala na rin niya ako sa family niya. Hinatid ako once ng family niya pauwi. Basta ang alam ko nun, sweet kami. Akala nila kami. commitment ang kulang, oo, yun na lang. We held hands together, took pictures together, went out together. Do I have to say na, he stole a kiss from me? Oo na, loser ko.

10. December 15, goodbyes na. Ewan ko ba, yun daw nararamdaman niya. Iyak naman ako nang iyak. Oo na, tanga na. Nag-usap kami nun sa auditorium kasi on-going yung contest ng Christmas Cantata nun eh. Di na daw niya alam gagawin. Nangyari yun dahil sa pride namin. Uhmm, at pagiging MOODY KO. yun daw dahilan.

Nikko: tingin ka muna sa akin

Ako: Ayoko! Kasi sa tuwing titingnan kita, nasasaktan ako.

Nikko: Bakit ako, hindi nasasaktan?

Ako: eh manhid ka eh!

11. December 20,2009, hindi na ako nakatiis. Kinausap ko din. Oo na. ako pa din ang loser. usapan namin, yellow kami pareho sa x-mas party. Hindi nangyari. :| Nag-gray ako eh. :P Back in each other’s arm kami. He hugged me, kissed me, at agsabi din siyang namiss niya ako. :”> Syempre, kinilig naman ako, kala ko okay na e. HINDI PA PALA. Nagcompromise na din kami niyan. 1 week naming pipilitin ibalik ang lahat. Pag okay na, fine, aayusin na talaga namin.

12. Alam niyo yun, wala eh. walang nangyari. Wala siyang effort. Oo,wala. nung pasukan na ulit. Hindi na tulad ng dati. Yung tipong pag umaga, wala nang morning beso. wala na lahat.

13. January 9, 2010:

Nikko: Sorry ha,di na kita mahal. Sorry kung naparamdam at nasabi ko noon na mahal kita. Di ko naman aakalaing magiging ganito eh. Ngayon kasi, talagang, wala na eh. wala na talaga.

Ako: Okay lang. *wala na akong masabi eh. SAKIT kaya.*

14. January 11, birthday ko, binati niya ako, daming bumati. Pero, wala rin, nag-away din kami. Ayoko lang magpretend na okay kami, kahit hindi na talaga. nasasaktan ako eh. Eh, hindi naman niya naiisip yun eh.

15. Hindi na kami nag-usap pagkatapos. ang rude na ng ending. :)) Nag-usap na lang kami nung nawala yung bracelet ko, baka kasi naiwan sa bahay nila, may shooting kasi kami nun.

16. February 13, 2010: JS PROM. First dance ko siya . :) Oo na, kinikileg ako. di naman ako makatingin sa kanya ng diretso. lam mo yun. Yung pain, andito parin. Sweet song yung sinayaw namin. “Angels brought me here”. Pero, di ko mapigilang umiyak pagtapos namin sumayaw. Luluha na eh, papatak na, pinipigilan ko lang, sabi kasi ng classmates ko, sayang make-up!

17. Huling pic na namin ung eto ngayon. March 23, 2010. Wala na akong naramdaman, kahit galit or inis or even saya or even sakit. Ganito pala yung pakiramdam na naka-move on na ako. :) salamat!

*Everything’s a lesson to me. Sooner or later I know, we’ll be crossing our roads again. Maybe, we’re not meant to be together. I just realized that we ALMOST HAD EACH OTHER, but then again, he gave up. He was able to move on first, and so, I have to do the same. But then again, he’s my first heart break throughout my senior year :) Years later, I’ll be reading this post again and laugh at whatever things that I wrote!

(I originally posted this on my tumblr account. But since mas love ko pa din ang blogspot, pinost ko din dito. :p)

Adieu high school life.

2010-03-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

This is a video presentation I made for our section. Ohyes! Everybody's here. :) I used the songs "Next in Line" and "Someday, it's gonna make sense".

Okay, today's a final farewell for all those people who made an impact all throughout my high school years.

To Shaneenah Rae Agustin:
My greatest thank you for everything. For being my most wonderful best friend throughout the years. You know my weakest points, you know my pains, and I'm very blessed to have a best friend like you. You've stayed with me through the rains and sunshines of my life. You'll be leaving the Philippines soon, I was hoping that you'll never forget everything that we shared and all the lessons that I taught you. :) Thank you for asking me whether I'm okay or not before I speak. You really know me! Thank you!

I will surely miss the times when we spend an afternoon together, laughing at the movie we're watching. haha! And those times, when we shared secrets about boys, and our families. I really enjoyed being with you, and because of you, I know how to be strong enough to face the trials. I promise to be good bespren! :) Love you girl!

To Joanna Marie Santos (bru):
Thank you for being one of my very best friend throughout our senior year. Take good care of yourself, okay? You're beautiful, inside and out. I was hoping that you're going to finish college with good grades and with a good boyfriend. Punch him once he hurt you again, okay? Thank you for listening to my rantings about him and another him. :) I love you girl. I will always be here for you.

To Mary Louise Magnifico, Majelline Erica Yee, Karen Alexandra Palma and Emily Kristine Angsuco:
You don't how thankful I am for accepting me on your group. Thanks for the adoption. :)) Because of you, guys, I was able to cope with our section. There is a decrease in the feeling of being out of place. I know, I've been moody but nevertheless, the acceptance you gave, changed me in ways you never thought I would. JAMEL, remember? I've cried on your shoulders, guys, and I would always miss the bonding we had! :) This is the only time that I feel what real friends are. Thank you.

To Nomel Lemon:
Dude, thank you for listening to all my heartaches. :) Can you still remember when I almost said all the sh/tty words because he broke my heart? Wow, thank you for all the advices, and the patience!

To Daniel Den Llorca:
Sisterrr, thank you for listening, as always. :) You're such a gentleman. Thank you.

To Jerome Simon and Ma. Michelle Placido:
Can you still remember the ice cream feast that we had? That's one of the best memory I have from the two of you. Never mind all the sh/ts. :))

To Elis Jelo Cagara:
Thanks for dropping me by the "sakayan ng jeep" ;) You don't know how much sadness I feel during that time. I felt out of place without anyone to confide on, right? Thank you. I really appreciate it.

And to the others:
Thank you so much for appreciating me. That was the most remarkable feeling that almost everyone wants to feel. Thank you for hating me, and making me feel out of place. You don't know how puzzled I was because I feel that no one dares to listen, nor ask me what's wrong. I don't hold grudges. :) I just want you to know that you, guys, made me feel STRONGER. I learned to keep everything to myself. I learned to trust NO ONE but myself. I learned to depend on tinie's power to God's blessing. Thank you for the bad times and judgments you gave. I wasn't able to be on a close bond with all of you, because you made me feel alone. But nevertheless, I'm still happy because I met wonderful people like you who gave me different lessons that I actually learned.

For those who gave me heartbreaks, heartaches, headaches:
I'm better off without you, guys. :) I'm really happy that I met people like you, and so, on the coming years ahead, I'll be good in the choices that I will make.

For the fun, joy, laughter everyone gave:
I would never forget you guys. I've been happppppy. I really was. I was once moody and unpredictable and I know, there's still a part of me that yo, guys, don't understand. And yet, I don't force you to do it. :) Somehow, beyond every laughter there's always the pain that I keep on hiding :) Till we meet again.

It's not desperation.

2010-03-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been criticized by my friends about not having someone special in my life. Haha! They think that's pretty unusual for me. But anyway, I think, I don't have the need or urge in having someone to call me "baby, sweetie, or even honey". I'm happily living my life to the fullest, and sometimes, feeling unappreciated by the people around me.

Sometimes, I wanted someone to depend on. I wanted someone to hug, to kiss and cuddle with. But then, I realized that life's very wonderful. Life isn't really perfect, and so, the man I've been dreaming to be with hasn't found me yet. But nevertheless, I'm happy, even though there's no one to greet me with "i love you" every morning. :)

And, for you information, I still have some qualities here for my man:

dark. Srsly. I want a moreno man! A mulato! hahaha! They're H-O-T.
intellectual. Always. I love conversing with others, so he should make me laugh and amazed!
who loves his parents. Because that's an assurance that he would treat you the way he treats his family.
A music lover. Because, I'm not one. :)) I want someone who could play the guitar or sing with me.
an engineering student/ nursing graduate/ whatever-course-as-long-as-he's-a-degree-holder. :)
someone who has clean intentions, loves me at my worst and will surely love me at my best.

I'm quite perfectionist. And I used to long for a PERFECT relationship. But then again, I know that isn't possible, right? Above all, I would rather settle with a guy who knows my worth, appreciate me and love me more than anyone or anything else in this world. :)

Moving on..

2010-03-03T23:38:00.000-08:00

Everything's going to be in just one song. :)

A pinch in my heart.

2010-02-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorites. :) The story is similar to me and rocker. And this one, still makes me cry every now and then. :)

While this one is the latest, of course, my tita and I, went to see this movie! :) The story is reaaaaally breathtaking. I seriously want a sequel of this. :)

I finally got it.

2010-02-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

Talumpatian's over. I finally got it. I won. Yes, I did.
I won the champion title! Ohgosh. :) This is ultimately LOVE. :)

This is our group picture after the contest proper.

Thank you Lord! >:D<

Junior-Senior Promenade.

2010-02-13T08:49:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of me and Daniel Llorca, my sister :)
(we call each other as sistersss. haha.)

This is how I look on our Junior-Senior Promenade. :) I wore a black cocktail dress from Occasions and I super love the shoes! HAHAHA.! Swear! Anyway, everything's fun. :)

Can you still recall do-you-like-me-dude? He was my first dance. Uhmm. I'm not really OKAY that time. Because, I know, I'm about to cry. Tears are falling on my face. But, anyway, everything's over. I wanted to move on! I won't cry over him again. :) Please. This would be the last time, okay? He's not worth it. I knew it.

To you:
You're not worth my tears. You're not worth my pains. :)
I wouldn't even wish to be friends with you, okay?
I'm done and happppppyyyy WITHOUT you. :)

Happiness, Crap, and shi/s.

2010-02-04T02:44:00.000-08:00

Wednesday Crap and Happiness.

My wednesday is quite a mixture of crap and happiness. Why? Here's my list.

CRAP:
1. I lost my gold bracelet. And you know what? It's not the "gold" thing that counts. It's the sentimental value in it. :| It was my grandma's first graduation gift! She gave it to me when I graduated from grade school. I have it since I was 12!

2. We had a shooting at do-you-like-me-dude's house. I felt out of place. YEAH. Really. Crap. :|

3. I felt out of place when I'm seated on our classroom. I dunno why. Maybe because I don't feel like being like them. I mean, I don't feel like kidding around. Maybe, I'm too serious. Am I?

HAPPINESS:
1. I'm starting to be patient nowadays. (:

2. Talumpatian's been nagging me. :D And it puts the enjoyment! So, I have a good time memorizing the talumpati. :D

THURSDAY shi/s

Aside from the lost bracelet of mine, auntie texted do-you-like-me-dude. And today, I told him about my lost bracelet, but you know.. he found nothing.

But, what's really putting the crap in me is the accident that happened a while ago, just before I go home. I WAS HARDLY HIT WITH A BOOK ON MY FACE. IMAGINE HOW THICK THE BOOK IS! DARIEL BELARMINO should be given a sanction for it. I know, it's an accident. But see? I got bruised and there's a swelling bump on my face! And it's all because of their stupid harutan, whatever makes them immature.. It's all shi/s. Really!

My classmates and I got scolded by our teacher. Because of that stupid LCD projector I borrowed yesterday. I thought (he/she: whatever fits you) returned the LCD projector. WTH.

And the last person on my list.
Lately, I've been annoyed about (his/her: whatever fits you). Why? Simply because she's overpowering. Cut the crap dear. Make your own thing. Tell me first before changing everything. And BTW dear, make your own theater.

Praise and Chances.

2010-02-03T03:20:00.000-08:00

Monday Chances.

Today makes me happy. I've gotten my piece already! Hopefully, I will be able to memorize everything. :) Thank you Lord! And, I realized that..

"If something's lost, another thing will be given back. And this time, It's much better than before."
-tinie.

Tuesday Praises.

Today is happiness. Today, I realized that even a single praise can make a person happy. :)

"Ang laki na ng pinagbago ng ugali mo, kesa dati, (insert my nickname here)."
-credits to Ate Maj for saying this thing. :)

Just like what I've said before, simple things can make me happy. :) And so, she did.

GG! Gorgeous Geek at sixteen

2010-01-11T23:03:00.000-08:00

Today's a very special day. Yes. I just turned sixteen. I would like to say my sweetest gratitude to the following people who greeted me today:

From my Teentalk family:

Tricia Lee Pamplona
Jean
Jeanne Mabutas
Aerine Salamanca
Ate Maan Madriaga
Jona Fernandez
Kuya Marion Claudio
Pierru Cardenas
Granny Jhajha

School friends and peeps:

Joanna Santos
Jesus Madrid
Nurzhia Mukaram
Jamin Gascon
Reina Michelle Tabalno
Kathleen Paltao
Shaneenah Rae Agustin (bespren)
Joanna Lois Tumadlas
Abraham Villano
Nomel Lemon
Lester Sabarillo
Czarina Santiago
Myluck Franchesca Ramos
Mary Louise Magnifico
John Nikko Pangilinan :p WHAAAT? :))

Ms. Maria Luvis Asenita (my adviser) :)

Online friends and people:

Ralph Gaebriel Gragasin
Levie Johnson Gabales-Millamena
Edrielle Dualin
Chezka Mariz Guevarra
Luitor Lu
Rommel Malgapo
Carina Reoligio
Donita Rose Pagsanjan
Mahloid Baldeo
Josepht Cagara
Ariane Cez Gonzales
Sharmaine Lumauan
Dan Paolo Soriano
Manilyn Lauzon
Nerie Istarpish :p
Brian Mactal
Allison Silvestre
Tom Alain Gacusan-Dumot
Ian Zuniga :)
Kuya Jose Dennio Lim Jr.

Family:
Mama
Tita

Relatives:
Jommel Pacheco
Abigail Pacheco

Close Family Friend:
Dr. Lita Dionisio-Carpena
-------------------

I wasn't expecting some of them to greet me. They really made my day. They were like cakes and pastas. I received my all time favorite TIGER stuffed toy from my dearest bestfriend-Shaneenah Agustin. Thank you! Someone greeted me too, but he made me pissed. Yeah, really! But you know, I haven't forgive him. Whatever. I received a reallly reallly awesome birthday greetings from Rocker's mom. (: Sweet. She really love me like her own daughter! :) And, I received another greetings from my dear adviser. Oh. HOW SWEEET. :) We didn't really cooked anything for this day. I don't receive any gifts from my parents. I didn't even asked anything from them. Sad, yet that's happiness. :)

The feeling that those unexpected people greeted me was the best birthday gift I ever received from them.

THESE GREETINGS ARE BLESSINGS. :)

Some things never change, no matter how many rejections, there are.

2010-01-08T22:52:00.000-08:00

My special day is like three days away. I haven't got any birthday greetings from anyone lately, not until someone special sent me a message this afternoon (: It's been such a long time since I was able to talk to this person. I find it hard to communicate with him since everything's quite a distraction. OHGOD. Probably, I could talk to him again when he's back here again.

I think, this is the most special birthday message and birthday gift I ever received. :)

Thank you Lord!

quotable wednesday

2010-01-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Today's really a wonderful day for me. why? Simply because of this quotation sent to me by a friend.

A sweet line from Christ:
"I've come to you not to make you love me,
but rather to make you realize that you're worth loving."
1 John 4:19 (;

That quotation really made my day. (: My day's awesome!

New Year, New Life. :)

2010-01-02T22:04:00.000-08:00

O-o-okay, Today's a new Year. Got new things to do. I'm quite bored. :)
But since, 2009 is over, I still have my list of the things I wanted. But, anyway, this is my new year's resolution. :p

1. I won't hold grudges on the past.
2. I'll be moving forward. This sounds better than moving on.
3. Let go of all the drama. This is my greatest cure for stress.
4. STUDY HARDER. College is like months away, and I need to on the list!
5.No more boyfriends/ suitors! I'll say "NO" to pseudo relationships. Oh yes!
6. I will take my diet SERIOUSLY. OHGOD. I really want to be slimmer than what I was before.
7. Avoid mood swings. as much as possible. ;)
8. Smile always, because I look older than my real age.
9. Never dare to go with the flow. :) I going to stand up for my opinions OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
10. Make new friends. :) I bet you know why.

This is all for now. :)

College life is fast approaching. OHGOD. I'm really excited.

the new born King.

2009-12-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

I just want to greet everyone with a:

MERRY CHRISTMAS :)

Share your blessings with everybody, and celebrate the birth of our Savior with your dearest family, friends and relatives. :)

Gonna post my updates soon, especially the back tracks. :)

gone for a while.

2009-12-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

It's been days since, our story was broken. Did I say, ended? LOL. I didn't go to school today because I feel sick. I have coughs and colds. I decided to take a rest, since tomorrow will be the first day of examination. And, I need to review for this, I haven't read anything!

Luckily, I didn't cry today! haha. I survived this feeling! =) And, I love it! I've been a a cry baby for days and this is really overrated then. So, I decided to stop. Mom's gonna ask me why, so I really need to stop because I hate making excuses then.

So, today is a busy day. I reviewed my past lessons for the third quarter. This gives me hell again. I find it hard to memorize terms and other sorts. I don't really hate the subject itself, but you know, this puts additional burden, another baggage to carry. freak.

I am so hopeful this grading period. I was hoping that my instincts won't fail me anyway. :|
Dang.

Christmas Cantata

2009-12-15T17:09:00.000-08:00

Today is an awesome day. I shed so many tears, and the chorale is simply great! (: I'm okay, I know, I am. HAHAHA. It's just that, I had this effin' feeling that you know, only do-you-like-me-dude did. I'm not effin' okay. =)) haha. whatever.

Anyway, salesians are really happy because we won today for the chorale. Videos of rehearsals were posted on FB. I think, this day, is simply great. For whatever the reason why I cried, ask him, mkay?

Could you just greet me?

2009-12-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

Today, is a really nice day. Not until, we had this tampuhan again.

Today, we watched Blood Diamond for our MAPEH class, since today is just a film viewing day. Before, the movie starts, I can feel the tension between us. Yes, between, do-you-like-me-dude and me. You know, he don't want to sit beside me. He's having fun with his friends and act as if nothing's wrong with us. wth.

Going back to the movie, everything's good. I admire the courage exerted by Maddy Bowen on the film. Simply, awesome. I would love to have her job in the future.

Things, aren't smooth again, I told myself.

Since, it's the first friday of the month,and we're in a catholic school, we had this first friday mass as an obligation.

During the giving the sign of peace, he didn't even looked at me! Not even a smile, or a stare, while I'm sitting behind him! I hate it. I spent the whole hour chatting with Jason Magtoto, a friend of mine. We talked about lots of things including his girl, and of course, him.

I am so random today. Why?

realize my worth please?

2009-12-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

Just this night, I found myself telling my closest friend about what's happening between do-you-like-me-dude and me. At the end of the conversation, I lingered on these thoughts he told me:

AYEN SAYS:

I'm so hurt coz I can't have the person I truly love,
But it's okay, coz I know, somewhere, out there,
DOZENS ARE HURT KNOWING THAT THEY CAN'T HAVE ME. :)

I was caught here. REALLY.

Death of a beloved.

2009-12-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

It's been days since rocker dude told me about the condition of his grandmother. I find it hard to believe. Really. I missed lola so much. I can still remember the days when rocker dude and I were still together. His grandma was the one who suggested to give me a bouquet of white roses on my 14th birthday (: wow. Indeed, it's awesome. That's why, I used to love his grandma, back then. Before, I already knew about that sickness she's suffering from. It's cancer. That traitor. Yes. :|

And, today is grandma's last day. She died. :( You know the feeling? It's like, we've been together for so long. I really hate it. :(

Rocker dude, texted me this morning. I really feel bad about it. I've been trying to hold back the tears because of grandma's death.

Rest in peace grandma.

Oh wait, the hardest thing here is:
Supposedly, today will be our 28 months of being together. :|

A matter of choice.

2009-11-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

My last post was all about our Speech Choir which I wasn't able to attend to. Actually, that is a choice between two things:

1. The Congo Speech Choir
2. BIDA Seminar at Assumption College of Antipolo

It was on the 27th day of November, the day before the Speech choir, when I asked one of our teachers about the seminar. I was shocked to know that the two activities will be held on the same day, at almost the same time. So, I have to choose only one. I have no choice but to attend the BIDA Seminar since I already paid a thousand bucks for that overnight seminar. I find it hard to choose, why? Simply because, we worked hard for that congo speech choir, then all of a sudden, I would just simply know that I wouldn't be able to join them? See the agony? I only knew it late in the afternoon. Good thing, one of my guy friends namely Jason Magtoto, stayed with us till 8:00 in the evening just to finish everything. I know, it wasn't my fault but still I want to attend both. I'm not after the curricular points that they're going to give but rather, it's with the experience. I wanted to experience both since it's my last year. Dang.

On the same day, I had trouble dealing with do-you-like-me-dude. We didn't talk to each other the day before. We didn't even tried to contact each other. Maybe, I did, but he didn't. I went online the day before, but he wasn't there. I tried to avoid him, thinking that he's going to look for me or even ask my friends where I was. But, he didn't. I knew it. I've been texting my friends the whole day, and even asked them whether he asked them about me, but they said, he didn't. I was mad. I was asking myself the whole time whether is he worried about me? Is he mad because I didn't tell him that I would be in Antipolo that early?

On that same day, at around past 7:00 in the evening, he texted me, asking where I am and why I didn't attend my class. I know, he's worried. But he's acting as if he don't really care. When I explained everything, he simply replied with "okeii", really plain. I find it quite awkward. He's in Pangasinan on that same night. And we're having that tampuhan, while the seminar is on going. :| I find it hard to concentrate. REALLY. I went there without him knowing because I guess, he won't even care about me. He's always busy, and I just can't COMPLAIN. We're not even together, right? Why would I? Right?

The stiffness and the hussle of this thing went on till the next morning. He greeted me, and so did I. But you know, there is a sort of avoidance. Hate it.

Anyway, the morning session went okay, since last night was a blast. There are also different performers during that national seminar. Paolo Santos, Tado, Dingdong Avanzado, Jolina Magdangal, Miguel Escueta, and even Rivermaya was present. They performed for everybody. There are many other performers during on that BIDA seminar, everyone had fun. The emcees came from two of the top universities of the Philippines, namely ADMU and DLSU.

Here are the pics of this event:

at the soccer field of Assumption College Antipolo
from L to R: Princess Cherry Kobayashi, Mariah Prado, Justine Marie Mendoza,
Mr. Rodel Espera, Jesus Madrid, and Mae Anne Nicole Mendoza

from L to R: Mr. Espera, Jesus, Justine, Mariah, and Cess

Mariah, Jesus, Mae Anne
Cess, Sir Espera, Justine

Students from different colleges and schools.

performers of the National Song Writing Contest

Chesca Liton and another host from MTV.

A job well done for the organizers and sponsors of this event. Everyone learned the value of awareness. (: Hopefully, when I go to college, there will be another BIDA event that I'm going to participate.

BE THE CHANGE!

The Congo Speech Choir.

2009-11-29T19:13:00.000-08:00

It's been days since I've been busy about this speech choir. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend the Speech Choir since I've been juggling a lot of school activities. :|

Here's one of the most stressful nights ever. We stayed until past 8:00 in the evening, and we never stopped until we get it right.

Here's their video during the contest proper:

We didn't get the first prize, but at least, everyone enjoyed it. :)

I'm starting to crave. I'm starting to fall deep down into the grave.

2009-11-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

I dunno what's this feeling. I get angry when a girl is beside him. I freak out when something's wrong. I hate it. Do I like him now? What's fcuking wrong with me? :|

Today, we had another official club meeting. Do-you-like-me-dude and I had a little fight about petty things.

While writing some notes on my paper, i-know-you-dude sat beside me and asked me out.
Here's how the conversation goes:

me: ui, kamusta game niyo knna? Nanalo kayo?
i-know-you-dude: Hindi nga eh. Sayang nga.
me: ah.. first time ata.
i-know-you-dude: Umm [insert my nickname here], baka gusto mo sumama manood ng twilight? manonood ata sila eh.
me: Uhmm, sorry, di ako nanonood ng sine nang may kasamang lalaki eh, kahit nung kami pa ni [insert my ex's name here].
i-know-you-dude:Ah ganon ba. Eh [insert my nickname here], may bf ka na? Mag-aantay ako.
me: Uhmm, may nagsabi na rin sa akin niyan eh? Uhmm, sabi niya, mag-aantay daw siya.
i-know-you-dude: sino? Kilala ko naman yun eh. Si [do-you-like-me-dude] ba yun?
me: umm, basta, taga rito. :)

While we're talking, do-you-like-me-dude is away. maybe, three chairs away from us, so I think, maybe, he could hear us. But, he didn't. Since, we had our little fight, we didn't talked to each other till we get home. By night, I went online to, I posted a status message like "someone asked me out, WTH." He immediately breaks the ice and PM-ed me. He asked me who's that person is. I didn't said anything. :) I played good. But, I know, he's hurt.

He texted me that night, and, it was a quote. :) HAHA. I won! But I said sorry naman, I know, I've hurt him, but imagine my reaction when I FELT HOW SINCERE HE IS!

Seems like I'm falling, I'm drifting. :| I'm falling for him.

Classes resume, and so new love grows.

2009-11-09T18:22:00.000-08:00

Today, classes were resume. Everything went fine. Everything's okay. I tried to smile at him, and him too smiled at me. We're both naiilang with each other, since, people didn't really know anything about us. Only a few trusted friends of mine knew everything. They were boto naman with him, but I tried to be more careful than I usually do.

I have some ugly truths here:

1. I don't wanna fall for do-you-like-me-dude. I DON'T REALLY WANT TO!
2. I'm still on the phase of moving on.
3. He looks like a playboy. He isn't that gwapo, but he got nice sex appeal! I SWEAR. He smiles, and laughs and those things can really make a girl fall. SWEAAAAAAAR.

My friends keep on asking me about him, and bru (an uber close friend of mine -terms of endearment) and I used to talk about him. She likes telling me that do-you-like-me-dude really has something for me. Maybe he really likes me tho. I dunno. I just don't wanna feel this feeling. It makes me sick.

The day ended with a simple laugh, glimpse and some jokes that really made people confused about US.

Why?

Because, the spoof goes like this:

(while listening in our filipino class)

Binibini: Hindi laging pagmamahal... bla bla.
Me: Tama. Tama.
Binibini: Ay, [insert my name here], may boyfriend ka ba?
Me: (shouting-SHOCKED) Wala po ms. ah! WALA!
Binibini: Aba, [insert my name here], bakit mo ko sinisigawan? May sinabi ba akong may boyfriend ka?
Me: hindi po binibini, joke lang po yun. Na-shock po kasi ako.

I saw him laughing. Binibini saw him too. And she teases us.. I bet, she knew something. I was like... OMG. Everybody burst into laugher.

Binibini: (saw him laughing at me) Aba, [insert my name here], payag ka niyan tinatawanan ka ni [insert his last name here]?
Him: (laughing)
Binibini: Tinatawanan mo si [insert my name here]..

Everybody: Ayiiiie. Relasyon...

------

Okay. Yeah, there's some kilig factor, but you know, it wasn't easy for me to love someone AGAIN. I don't know if coincidences call for it. But all, I know is that, this isn't the best thing, and I won't settle for him NOW. I don't wanna be played upon nor, my heart be broke.

New people, new life.

2009-11-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

It's been days since the retreat was over, and I'm freakin' excited about the resume of classes. :)
But, since I've posted pictures from the retreat.. Maybe, you'll be able to recognize who is i-know-you-dude and do-you-like-me-dude. =)

It's been days, and do-you-like-me-dude is calling me non-stop. Okay, he once gave me a wake up call, and I loved it :"> Why? Because, I got used to my someone, who always wakes me up with sweet messages or voice calls. And I missed those times. It was one rainy morning when do-you-like-me-dude called anonymously. I'm not familiar with the number. And, because I'm surprised to see who's calling me, I had this disgusting voice. HAHAHA. :D

Then, he greeted me, with good morning, and he's really nice. The only thing I knew is that, he made me fall, but I don't really want to. It's like crushing myself over a thunder, not knowing it would hurt me that much in the end.

Days went on, he has been doing this for a week. Later, maybe, I will receive another call from him. Let's see.

Retreat pictures.

2009-11-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've kept this pictures for the longest time. boohoo. Here's the Salesians' moments of renewal. =)

(from L to R)

Aster Vargas, Reina Tabalno, Anne Rose Nuguid, Rachelle Garcia, Justine Manalang.

Nomel Lemon, Ken Kobayashi, Jelo Cagara, Dariel Bellarmino Karen Palma, Ate Majelline Yee, Donati Garcia, Loise Magnifico, Paolo Angeles Daniel Llorca, Nikko Pangilinan

Donati Garcia =)

tallest-Paolo Angeles beside him is Nikko Pangilinan, in yellow- Jason Magtoto, beside him is Donati Garcia, Ken Kobayashi, Clemente Dela Cruz, Dave Binuya, Racel Matic center-Joseph Quilang

standing (from L to R): Dariel, Ken, Jelo in squat (from L to R):

Paolo, Nikko, Donati, Daniel sisturr =)

Here's Joanna Santos and Justine Mendoza

Justine Mendoza and Cedrick Gijapon :)

Justine and Jimmy Siason

From (L-R): Kimberly Collado, Cedrick, Michelle Placido, Justine, Joanna Santos

Down there is Sarah Arana.

in yellow-Jamin Gascon, on her left- Gem Rubio in gray jacket- Kathleen Amon

from L to R:

Donati and Nikko Pangilinan :)

looking at a different perspective.

2009-11-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Different kinds of Babae:

1. Pa-conyo- sila yung super vain na kala mo everyday is “foundation day.” Magaling mag-ingles, hindi umiinom ng house water sa fastfood at kung magbihis e kala mo parating may party. Sila rin yung aakitin ka, pero hindi bibigay….agad. Kailangan ng matinding humor kung talagang trip na trip mo sya iuwi.

2. Top-of-the-line sosyalera- Sila yung mga pinanganak na may gintong kutsara sa bibig. Lumaki sa aircon, straight English kung magsalita pero mahilig din silang magmarunong na magaling silang mag-Tagalog pero ang sama talaga pakinggan. Di nakakarelate sa mga kanto jokes, nagtatawanan na ang mga tao di pa din nila nagegets yung joke. Lumaki raw sila sa kalye playing street games. Pero alam nyo kung ano yun? Street hockey, soccer, baseball, etc. Pffft! Batang kalye nga. Mahirap abutin. Pero kung masusungkit, pwede rin!

3. Feeling. or Illusionaries, mga mahilig mag-ilusyon na magaganda sila at may sinasabi sa buhay. Pinsan si ganito, kilala si ganyan, may lupain sa hibok-hibok para ma-impress lang ang kausap. Sila ata ang tinutukoy ng Parokya sa kanta nilang, “Silvertoes.” Madaling kausap at minsan, isang sabi lang, gora na yan… walang paliguy-ligoy pa. 10/11 ang drama, sa sampung sinabi labing-isa mali. Dagdag-bawas magkwento kaya ingat lang lalo na kung kiss and tell sila.

4. One-of-the-boys. Sila yung “ideal bestfriend.” Cowboy ba… Pwedeng biru-biruin, masarap kasama sa inuman, naiintindihan ang kalokohan at kaberdehan ng kalalakihan, madalas gumamit ng “tsong” at “pare” pag kausap mo. Pero sila rin yung hindi nagsasalita sa totoong nararamdaman nila. Ingat din ang mga boys sa mga ganitong girls- lalo na pag nahuhulog na pala sa inyo. Kawawa sila pag nasaktan. Hmmmm…

5. Girlfriend-material. Sila yung sa unang tingin pa lang ng boys, abot-langit na ang respeto. Sila yung mga simpleng babaeng matipid ngumiti, makikipag-kwentuhan pero hindi may mystique pa rin. Na-c-curious ang mga lalaki kung anong meron sa kanila that they keep on looking for more of that person. Minsan ang hirap kausap dahil pabago bago ng isip. Usually, sila ang naliligawan, sinusuyo hanggang mapa-oooohh… OO.

6. Man-hater. Sa una, mapagkakamalan mo silang tibo dahil sobra silang “boyish.” Defense mechanism nila yun dahil galit sila sa past experience nila with an EX. Takot na daw sila masaktan. Mahirap din silang getlakin dahil matatakot ka sa kasungitan nila. Ang hindi mo alam, kulit lang ang katapat. Bibigay din yan. Pero syempre, sa mga lalaki, dapat armed ka with sympathy, timing and humor. Kahit hindi ka masyadong pogi, basta meron ka nito- malaki na ang chance mo.

7. Pa-Girl. OA sa pagka girl, mayat-maya ang retouch inaabot ng 30mins sa CR kahit nasa mall kayo suklay ng suklay ng buhok, mayat maya nananalamin. Super freak-out sa kaarteyhan. Malakas mag react ng “yuck!! Or eewwww” kapag nakakarinig ng mga maseselang usapin. Di nila gets o maapreciate ang ibang mga bagay bagay. Di mo alam kung makitid lang talaga utak nila o talagang slow sila makagets.. Basta ang hirap nila ispelengin!!! Ang masama eh kung 30 yrs old na pagirl pa din… awts!

8. Super Friendly. By the word itself, friendly siya sa lahat. Napakabait, Napakadaling i-aproach napakalawak ng pang-unawa on things. Masarap hingan ng payo. Pero minsan namimisinterpret ng iba. Aakalain ng guy na may gusto sa kanya si super friendly. Lalo na sa pagmimisinterpret sa kanila ng girls dahil pinagchichismisan sya ng masama, siguro kinaiinggitan kasi. Ang hirap din minsan ng masyadong mabait.

9. Doble-Kara. Eto yung matino or mataray pag normal, pero pag nakainom eh bigla na lang sasayaw sa ibabaw ng mesa, or iiyak ng walang malinaw na dahilan, or magiging robot na hindi na alam ang nangyayari, gumagalaw lang pero di nagrerespond sa kapwa, meron ding biglang nang aaway pa. Nakakatakot sila painumin kasi nakakahiya sila kasama pag nalasing.

10. Ms. Know-it-All.Gusto nilang i-impress ang lahat ng tao- especially ang mga kalalakihan, thinking na ma-g-getsung nila ito. They think na mas matalino sila sa guy at kaya nila itong paikutin. Pero wag ka. A good guy can recognize a smart girl. Boys, ingat sa mga tulad nila dahil yung pagka-Know-it-all ay pwedeng mauwi sa paninira sa ibang tao at mga buhol-buhol na kasinungalingan.

11. Problematic. Sila yung mga girls na kala mo kailangan lagi ng karamay o mag-aalaga sa kanila. Pa-emo minsan.. Hanap lagi yung instant Knight-in-Shining-Armour. Dapat mag-ingat ang mga girls na ganito dahil pag problemado sila, mas madaling nakaka-score ang mga kalalakihan lalo na yung magagaling mambola.

12. Babaeng-Bakla. Isa sa pinakagusto kong personality ng babae. Tipong laughtrip lagi pag kasama mo.. Hindi maarte, bulgar kung bulgar magsalita pero nasa timing. Punong puno ng humor. At minsan kung pikon ka maiinis ka sa pang-ookray niya pero ok lang yun lambing lang niya iyon.

13. Silent but deadly. Maria Clara ang datingan, Di sila masyadong palakibo, or masalita. Kung magsasalita man eh parang sila lang nakakarinig sa sinasabi nila. Pero wag matahin… Nasa loob ang kulo nila. Talagang mabibigla ka sa matutuklasan mong ibang side ng girl na ito….

14. Camwhore. Wala naman kinalaman to about sa pagkarir, share ko lang.. Sila yung kahit saan mapunta eh magpipicture ng sarili niya maya’t maya. Kahit di na sa kanya yung celfone puro mukha na nia ang laman. Iba-ibang anggulo pa pero magulo naman karamihan ng kuha. Pipiliting iphotoshop pero lalo lang sumasama. Tapos yung karamihang kuha naman eh nakaside lang yung mukha. Nakakapeke kasi ang ganung posing, nakakapagpaganda. Tapos di pa makukuntento may mga kuha ding nasa taas yung cam and nakaside pa din. Kasi nakakapayat yun, diba? Uuuyyy gagawin na nila yan lagi hehehe.. Daming picture sa fs, fb or multiply na puro mukha lang naman… na naka-side.

15. Flexible. Eto yung girl na akala mo sa unang tingin, di mo mareach mukhang snobbish, and maselan, pero pag nakuha mo ang loob at nakilala mo ng husto eh di pala maarte co-boy din sya na hindi one of d boys. Kahit saan nakakarating mula Rockwell hanggang Divisoria. Walang arte, Kakain kahit saan mapa Fridays or fishbolls sa kalsada. Ang sarap magkaroon ng girlfriend na tulad nila.

16. Flirt. In tagalog, Malandi, Syota ng bayan…. game! Kadalasang sila yung mga liberated, bombshell na talagang pansinin manamit, magsalita, at kumilos. Madaling pumatol lalo na kung gwapo or mayaman.Sino ako?? hahaha

----

Someone e-mailed this to me. hahaha. I highlighted those numbers which define me. :))

Hella, correct.

Move on. Get over. Deal with it.

2009-11-04T21:57:00.000-08:00

I have ended the confusion in me. The two years and few months of sufferings just ended. I don't really care about the real thing now. I just don't want to talk to him, not even see him in other way. NEVER. I don't even care about being bitter. This is it. Everything's going to an end. I know, I'll be happy about it.

You will only know the meaning of the word "DISTANCE", if you are going to "MISS" all the things that you left behind.

2009-11-02T18:00:00.000-08:00

WEDNESDAY EXCITEMENT
Everything was all set. Finally, my luggage is full of clothes, all for this 3 days retreat away from home. Everything was there:

clothes
facial wash, and other personal necessities. (talk about kaartehan :)) )
towels
gadgets (lol. As if I can use them. haha. )
my fave pair of sneaks. :)
pantulog and all sorts. :))
jackets. (I brought two, so I can use them while sleeping and during the sessions.)
my all time favorite pair of aviators. (lol. I know it's in Tagaytay. haha. :)) )
MONEY. :)) (Come on baby! Pasalubong is always ahead.)
LOTS of Retreat letters for everyone. (I would post them soon.)

It's been a tough way to get there at Villa Sta. Luisa in Tagaytay. We experienced a heavy traffic jam, and lots of other hindrances. We even reached the retreat house at around 8pm, I guess? We were like, WTH? haha. But anyway, everything's fine. More lessons to come! :)
We had our dinner as soon as we arrived

THURSDAY EMOTIONAL MADNESS
This day is really memorable to everybody. Why? Simply because, we were able to voice out everything, including our feelings to our dear adviser. Everybody's ready to say their respective opinions. Why are you going to afraid, when you already have the chance to say so? Right? :)
No, we're mean either. We only want to be H-O-N-E-S-T. Does HONESTY hurts? Maybe. For some reasons, most specially if it's true.

I've hugged my classmates, said sorry to our adviser, said to sorry to everyone whom I've hurt, and thanked people who've touched my life and became a vault of my feelings. BUT... I hugged this person whom I've never thought I would.

He gave me a retreat letter. And it's f****** emotional. I've never thought he felt like that. Or, should I say, I became too insensitive instead? Since we were sophomores, we never talked about emotional things then, not even the number of girls who's knocking on his door just to be with him, not even the number of girlfriends he had or the number of serious relationships he ever had (if there are some?). We used to be the same old I-know-you-dude/ You-know-me and that's it. And there's no such thing that cross in my mind that he had even a LITTLE thing for me. But, not until, I've read his letter. He's too serious (base on the letter). Now, I know the reason, why he always call me "mahal" or even called me such as those "sweet nothings". Soon, I'll be posting his letter. And you know, this turns out the confusion in me. I don't really know whether he's serious because I really had a hard time dealing with his response.

We finished at around 2 in the morning., and after that, the whole class decided to have that puyatan :) Love it. haha. BUT.. there's this such thing that I can't understand.

One, there's this guy. A new classmate and friend from Riyadh, who had been close to me. Mybe because, he's a former josephian but we've never been classmates before.period.
Two, there's a strong lightning effect with him. I dunno why.
Three, he's nothing but SWEET.

We talked the whole night, shared ideas, and talked about our pasts (past boyfriends and girlfriends, k?), I used to tell him stories about me and boyfie, and the others. It was really fun,everything went fine and smooth. But some actions of him brings out the confusion. Some lines he said, makes me feel do-you-like-me-dude? and it's quite awkward . He even shared about his family, his fiends in Riyadh, his life in Riyadh, and we shared opinions about LDRs and all. Then, while I was talking to our facilitator, he even waited for me to get back and continue the topic again. It was okay, though, it sounds confusing to my part. I just don't know with him.

At around 2:50 in the morning, we finally said goodbyes and good night, slept in each other's rooms, and late that night, I was really thinking about everything. The girls had their regular chismisan, we shared facts about this girl,that everyone hate her? yeah. It was shocking on my part to know that she's just using her rich friend to ask fro money. WTF. I swear never to like be with her again.

Today's really random.

SLEEPY AND MUSHY FRIDAY

Being such a sleepy put all the sheez on my head. I hate it. I don't get enough to sleep. I was sleeping during the morning praise, and the water on the bathroom is super cold. I'm shaking. Really shaking. But, everything's okay tho. Breakfast is really fun. The boys care more on the girls, and I appreciate them for being like that. While, this i-know-you-dude I was talking about served my food first. My initial reaction was O.O then it goes like ^_^. I'm just trying to be friendly, and I thanked him afterwards. He's like, trying to make me fall for him, which I actually don't want to do so.

Anyway, I don't have anytime to talk to do-you-like-me-dude again since we're all busy preparing our stuffs and sorts. All I can remember is that I greeted him with good morning and asked him what changed him during the retreat. That's all.

The most memorable part here is that we played like children, played that mataya-taya-? thing. We ran, and tagged each other. haha. Everything's uber fun. Because we even discovered that there's a basketball court on the other half of the Retreat house. :) Love it.

We went mushy before going home since we will be leaving that place. We took pictures too, bought pasalubong and all!

So, that ended our three days retreat. :)

Superunli works way better.

2009-11-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

Finally, retreat is over. But still, something's left behind. I don't know why.

1. When I looked for do-you-like-me dude on FB, there's an initial strike of lightning in me. WTF. I was complaining to mom about him because he's like a kid who teases me all the time. O.O Okay, back to the FB thing, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY IDEA OF HAVING ADDED HIM ON MY FRIENDS' LIST, SINCE I ONLY APPROVE PEOPLE I KNEW. I was really shocked. Really.

2. I commented on his picture because the pic's really funny. And, boom. He's online, and we chatted, after a few minutes, exchanged numbers, he texted me first, and I replied back. Then, it's the end. That's what I thought.

3. Then, after that, we went to the cemetery, while I was there with my family, he's also texting me. woah. Talked about keeping in touch? He has been calling me for days now. Maybe, he's trying to be friendly. Not until, he admitted something.

I wonder what's with this guy. I guess, this do-you-like-me dude likes me. haha. It's assuming, but I don't care either. Hello? What's your motive of calling a girl for two to three times a day if you don't have something to tell her, right? hahaha. :D So, I'll wait for the next picture of this story.

Reflect and renew yourself for the glory of his goodness.

2009-10-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's gonna be our FIRST retreat. So, everyone's been pretty excited about it. Of course, me too. But I don't know why some questions are left unanswered.

It's between HIM and ME.

*parang kahapon lang PROUD pa akong sabihin name niya dito, then all of a sudden biglang... BOOM.

Hellyeah. I know I'm not okay. :(

So, good night. Got to go.

Secrets often reveal who I am.

2009-10-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

It's been months since I've finally kept this in myself. And, I hope, if you know me (personally) guys, you wouldn't be spill nor say this to anyone, like a relative of mine or even my teachers. lol. (:

I have to confess that I'm finally back with my two years two months boyfriend. :|
Okay, everyone's against US, but.. this is us. :(

Karl Aldrine Sta. Maria-Supe is the name. :)

And, finally, my man's back. :)

Sooner or later, you'll understand how it feels.

2009-10-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's been weeks since I haven't blogged anything. Sorry my dear readers, affiliates, and followers. There are so many things that happened that I wished, I've never said or let them be.

I've never been a rebel at my own cause. I've never been my parents' headache. BUT... NOT NOW.
I've talked to my dad. He talked to me about things I never thought I would open up. I know, I have offended him. And, I don't care. I know I've been the so called maldita. And, I don't care. I know, I've been mean. And I don't care.

I don't know why things are falling apart. I don't know why my family is like this. No, it has nothing to do with having another sister or brother outside (it's funny), but rather, it's a rift between me and my parents.

And, the so called, ECONOMIC status we have.

As for now, this is all I can share with you. later on, I'll be blogging about things, you'll never expected I did.

Laziness seems evident.

2009-10-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

I was like... DEPRESSED on something lately. :(
It's too late for me to apply to DLSU, and ADMU. Just this morning, I found out that, DLSU's submission of forms is only until this coming October 8, 2009. I cannot submit my form, since I need a photocopy of my birth certificate from NSO, which mom said that this would take a week, and other school forms which will be processed for like 3 days.

Wew! My laziness gave me karma. :(

Wishing to apply to thos top universities, but unfortunately, I wasn't able to do so. Anyway, fingers crossed for my UST application. :| I was really praying to pass the USTET test and enter my dream school. :|

(BTW, I wished to apply for DLSU and ADMU for the scholarships, if there are some. haha, since, we weren't rich enough to pay everything. lol. )

HONEST! =)

Typhoon Ondoy

2009-10-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

News from different tv channels raged as typhoon Ondoy hits the Philippines. I'm so sad to hear about how people suffer from this. Our house also felt the effect of the typhoon. We were flooded BUT, thank goodness, we still have our house to live in. The flood is just isang dangkal inside our house..( Is that foot span? Whatev.)

So, the effect on us only became crucial because we don't have electricity for like 26 hours, I guess. But still, very mild compared to those people whose houses were destroyed, whose lives were shunned, who has nothing to eat for more than three days and those people who needs to be rescued from their flooded streets.

I was really thankful about what happened to us! I can't imagine that even the big stars on the showbiz industry even experience such things. They even lived in subdivisions, but then, when the nature claims for justice, NO ONE IS EXCUSED.

I wished to volunteer for the Sagip Kapamilya and to give something to those who were in need, but then, I was too busy to do so, or too lazy to be one. :( Soooooorrrry! :(

Anyway, another typhoon's coming here in the Philippines, so,
MAY THE LORD HELP US! :)

wannabe?

2009-09-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

"Knowing the right techniques and

how to commence it,

not just how to play music babe.."

-Boyfie quoted this one. He learned it from Joe Satriani,his idol. I know, I'm just starting to learn how to play the guitar, and I felt bad about it. Boyfie's the BEST guitarist ever. SWEAR. He's not just a guitarist, but a MUSICIAN. He studied in Yamaha School of Music when he was young, and voila! He can now play almost every string instrument you know. lol. :D

So, right now, I've been learning how to play the guitar (:
Thanks to him! (:

Believing the unbelieveable truth.

2009-09-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

CARD DAY

It's been weeks since my hands are quite shivering everytime my grades were being asked by my parents. lol. Hell yeah, I WAS REALLY NERVOUS.

LUCKILY, I'm still part of the honor roll.

I had:

Mathematics- 86%
(Okay, I'm lame in mathematics. haha. So, don't ask me why. lol.)

English- 92%
(Yay! I told you, I'm good in English.lol. I got high grades in both written and oral. HAHAHAHA. I can't imagine that tho.)

Christian Living Education- 95%
(Can you imagine that?! hahaha. I'm a saint. lol. :) )

Filipino- 90%
(El Filibusterismo is quite hard. Characters are too many to memorize. haha.)

Science and Technology- 87%
(Physics is a hell. And all the computations gave me a line of 6 on my periodical test. hahaha.)

MAKABAYAN- 91%
a. Araling Panlipunan- 90%
b. T.L.E/ Computer- 91%
c. MPAEH- 89%
d. Values Education/ Homeroom- 94%

Conduct- O
Activity-O

hahaha. Got those grades and everything. lol. And ranked 8th on the over-all list of honors! =)
BUT, imagine my dismay when my mom, scolded me for ranking 8th on the list. Gaad. I wanted to cry, but I know, things needs to be fixed and be perfect in others' eyes. At least, boyfie's been here, and advised me to do better next time. Of course, he congratulated and appreciated my efforts. Thank you boyfie.

Lord, thank you so much! I promised to be better this second quarter! I love you :)

Male Code of Honor.

2009-09-05T06:56:00.000-07:00

Male Code of Honor

Last saturday night, I was shocked to know about this "thing" that's going on between my friends. It took me a few minutes to recover about what I just knew.

Here how it goes:
Few months ago, a girl friend of mine (girl 1) broke up with my guy friend (guy 1) without any exact reasons why she did. I was somewhat depressed to know what had happened, and I even asked guy 1 to spend his time to other things, than mourning over the break-up. Months later, a close of friend (guy 2) of us, revealed that he asked the girl, about the so called thing he feels, then, BOOM.. He told me that, the girl, turned him down, even before he decided to court her.

I was like.. WTF with him. Didn't he know the male code of honor? That, if your guy friend, likes a girl, you shouldn't tell her how you feel about it (especially, if you like her), even if, they broke-up, even after years. Wanna know why? Because, it's just a way of respecting your friend, as well, giving yourself, a high sense of pride. Male code of honor dude. PERIOD.

I felt pity for guy1. He's been a good friend for years already. And, the way he told me everything, wow... he really loves the girl.

So, my only advice would be:

MOVE ON.

I don't wanna call him LOSER for doing so. Imagine, he waited for 3 mos. I guess, then had nothing after that? wow. Girl1 is also a friend of ours, and convincing her makes us stupid. I don't feel that there's gonna be another chance for the both of them. :| Anyway, I'm wishing them the best of luck. I have nothing against guy2 or girl1. It's just that, they shouldn't be numb to whaetever things other people feels. I feel bad after knowing such things.

I know it's hard to commit something specially if you guys are friends, then the lamest thing here is when you separate ways. Hopefully, I wouldn't fall for someone whom I've been friends with.

Sabayang Pagbigkas

2009-08-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Sabayang Pagbigkas

I haven't posted for a long time, but I have something here that our school can be proud of. We won the 2nd runner-up title, not bad for the first timers like us. HAHA. :)

So, It was held at Philippine Academy of Sakya at Masangkay, Manila. And we were trained under our teachers. BTW, we competed against 7 other schools in Manila. This competition was under the supervision of the APPSAM-MAPESA.

Hope you enjoy our presentation. :)

(I forgot the date.. I think it was August 25, 2009. HAHAAH ((: Amnesia honey!)

Food Festival.

2009-08-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

----- Dave Binuya,
Kathleen Faye Paltao,
and Lea Gabales.

--- Joseph Del Rosario,
Justine Marie Mendoza,
Cedrick Gijapon,
Joanna Santos,
Ma. Michelle Placido,
and Charlaine Kimberly Collado.

Jimmy Siason, Rafael Borromeo, Joseph Del Rosario, Christian Alcantara.

---- During the food festival.

-----The room, featuring the bulletin board,
with Rachelle Garcia.

----- The blackboard, with all the foods.
I was the one who did the lettering, and yeah, it's not perfect, nor good. :))
So, not all foods, were placed on the table. haha. Yeah, we have lots. :)

---- We also have waiters here. haha.
And, Clemente Dela Cruz is one. :P

----- Yaadddda! Let's bring it on. Everything's prepared here already. The assigned province to us is Bacolod, so, we have lots of foods from Bacalod, especially those Inasal ones. :)

and,

we're the CHAMPION! :)

Salesians.

2009-08-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

We had an awesome total blast today. :)
I'm with the salesians here on the picture.
SALESIANS (St. Francis de Sales)
These pictures were taken while we're preparing the room for the Food Festival the next day around. I super love taking pictures with them. So, just guess, who I am there. haha.

Wow. Proud salesians. :)
haha.

Later on, I'll be posting pictures of everybody. :)

Kudos Salesians!

Mock Trial.

2009-08-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

Friday: Mock Trial

Yesterday, we had our mock trial in school. Okay, the activity was given last thursday only, so, we only have few hours to do the scipt, since we're going to present this the next day after. I'mma going to post the script I made here. I hope you, guys, will like it.

BTW, we presented that yesterday, in front of the class and with the heart-pumping PAASCU accreditors. lol.

List of characters:
(me): judge
De Vera, Nicolas: lawyer for the for the Government of the Philippines.
Magnifico, Mary Loise: lawyer for the people of the Philippines.
Fallesgon, John Harry:(Mr. Mauro Roxas) representative for the Government of the Philippines.
Paltao, Kathleen Faye: (Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz) representative of the people of the Philippines.

<--------- START HERE---------->

Judge: Presenting, the people of the Philippines vs. the Philippine government, case no. 0102, trial no. 2525, regarding the Clean and Green act. Now, the question is: Who needs to be blame?

------------PROTEST----------

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Witness for the Government, please proceed to the witness stand.

De Vera: Your honor, I hereby present you, Mr. Mauro Roxas, who can prove you that the government is not guilty of the accusations regarding the destruction of the Mother Earth.

------harry (witness stand.)--------

Judge: You may now, ask your questions.

De Vera: Mr. Roxas, present us some examples on how you care for the mother Earth.

Harry (Mr. Roxas): I made an article regarding the Clean Air Act. I even support the People’s Constitution for the destruction to be lessened.

De Vera: So, what about that Clean Air Act?

Harry: We make the environment free from the unclean air the damages the atmosphere, by letting them to pay for their bail when violating the rule.

Magnifico: Objection your honor! That isn’t true.

Judge: Question sustained.

De Vera: See your honor, my witness can stand for the Government of the Philippines that, they have nothing to do with the destruction of the Mother Earth.

----pause----

I have no further questions your honor.

----De Vera sit down.----

Judge: the witness from the government may now go back to his sit.

-----harry goes back to his sit----

The witness from the people of the Philippines may now go to the witness stand.

Magnifico(lawyer2): Your honor, may I present to you Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz, our witness for the People’s republic.

Judge: You may now ask your questions.

Magnifico: Mrs. Dela Cruz, site us some examples on how you take part in taking care of our environment.

Paltao (Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz): I plant trees o my backyard, and as a responsible individual, I see to it that, my new house would not require too much loggings that requires excessive cutting of trees.

Magnifico: have you materialized this already?

Paltao: Yes, of course.

Magnifico: do you think, the people of the Philippines aren’t guilty of all the accusations?

PALTAO: I don’t think, we’re guilty. We’re good individuals unlike that corrupt government.

Magnifico: I have no further questions your honor. I think, these are just enough to prove that my client is not guilty of all the accusations.

Secretary of the judge (Karen): Everyone, please wait for a while as the judge makes her decision.

--------silence-------

(nag-iingay na yung mga tao)

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! As far as evidences were gathered, and fair conclusion should be made, I plead both the people and the government of the Philippines, GUILTY, beyond reasonable doubt, regarding the accusations on the massive destruction of the environment. You both are responsible to take care of the environment, but then you weren’t able to do your duties regarding these creatures. No more further explanations needed.

Karen: In the Mock trial, the people and the government of the Philippines are said to be guilty of being irresponsible in taking care of the environment. Therefore, who do you think, is the judge in the story?

Ken: Why do you think, he plead that both parties were guilty?

<-------------END HERE------------>

NOTE: The trial no. and the case no. is ONLY used in the script. We simply made this out. We simply showed how both parties took part in the environment. We have nothing against the names used here. Those names are only used for representations, nothing more, nothing less.

Back to the script:

We were asked by our English teacher to have a mock trial as our presentation, and so, I come up with that script. As you can see, I used the name Mr. Mauro Roxas (kinda' name of a politician tho), and Mrs. Juana Dela Cruz (a representation for the Filipino people).

So, if you're asking me, who's the judge in the story...

my answer is: GOD.

You know why? Come to think of it:

1. On the usual trial courts, the judge is always introduced, but here- we didn't.

2. BOTH were plead guilty of the accusations. Why?

Obviously, only God can judge everybody, so, just stop and look around you... Do you think, only the filipino people (set aside, those who are in the government), are the only ones, who took part in the massive destruction of the Mother Earth?
And next, for the government, do you think, their political plans, and projects don't effect the environment?

So, now, who needs to be blame?

random.

2009-08-06T04:18:00.000-07:00

I was stressed out with the things that are happening lately.

1. is that... school's been stressing me, with all those projects and other paper works.
2. parents are nagging me for being kinda' LAZY-nuff said.
3. boyfie's another mess. :( And you know the feeling of being emotionally bothered? That's it. I'mma blog later to talk about further explanation.

I don't know why, school's been a stressing me. I love studying ever since. I don't care about being the nerdy, geeky, old school chic. But you know, I don't see school as a force treatment or as a melancholy anyway. BUT, I guess, that was before. I'm too lazy now. I know my grades aren't doing well. I don't even feel good about it.

It's bad because, I love the subject. I love Physics, or even Trigo, but I just can't find any other way to understand such things. Yeah, I listen, but I can't understand those tangents, cosines, or even some functions.

Sometimes, I even found myself waiting for the dismissal time to come. But, guess what... I don't even have any boyfriend waiting outside the school to pick me up, so, say it, am I weird?

That's all for now. :(
I just don't feel okay today.

anniversary break-up.

2009-08-06T01:20:00.000-07:00

2nd day of August:

Last time, he told me that, he's going to be here in Manila for our 2nd year anniversary. Yeah, you heard it right, TWO YEARS of everything.

But since everything isn't working well, we have to accept the bitter fact that he can't be here to spend time with me even for an hour. But you know, I was always wishing and EXPECTING that he's going to greet me before I do. But, guess what happened? He didn't even make a way or a call to greet me. He didn't even text me or leave me a message in friendster. So, where does the irony lies now? I was all up into this burden. I wasn't expecting that this would happen. I thought, everything's going to be right. I was wrong. Again, I was wrong. :(

I slept at 3am, simply by waiting for his "pahabol" message, but, I end up, sleeping since, I have classes the day after. You know what, I was dumb-founded, I just can't be mad. I can actually feel that something's wrong, but I find it hard to admit it. I don't know that this is going to happen. I don't even say anything that's against his rules or whatever.

I know, I'm not okay. My eyes were red when I woke up. Yes, I cried. I've listen to sappy songs, to the songs that we used to cried together, and you know, it's freakin' hard not to see him for more than a half year now. I just don't feel important anymore, and you know what... I'm giving up. :(

But, there's this feeling that I can't give up the one I loved for two years. I know it's hard. I don't know if I still have to go on. And I don't know if he still love me.
this hurts too much. :(

random.

2009-07-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Horrible MONDAY.

I find my Monday morning quite horrible. One is that I'm dealing with SINES AND COSINES law lately, and I find it hard to understand. And today, I realized, I'm sooooo lame in math. :)) But, it's in physics anyway, gotta use that later in trigonometry. :| I'm hoping not to fail the test.

***

Rainbow-ed TUESDAY.

Tuesdays are the best day ever. Not unless, I got my first ever failed grade, in trigonometry. Kbye. But, it's like, WTH?! Am I that lame? But, hell yeah, I accept it. I'm one darn happy bee in math, waiting for the second recess to come. Ms. Guev's super good in teaching the lesson, but you know, I'm so lame not to understand things sometimes. Pfft. How I wish, I was given the powers to make the lessons much easier for me to understand. I envy my classmates for getting the highest grades in mathematics :|

***

Missing WEDNESDAY.

My wednesday morning isn't that okay. I'm throwing tantrums for boyfie. He's like missing for three days now. He didn't even text nor call. So, what now? I was throwing tantrums. But later on, he texted me, mad, and was telling me that he's phone was confiscated by mom(his mom). It's like, Kfine. :| And you wanna know what happened next?

I learned, and know, that, he wouldn't be able to make up to our so called "anniversary date" next week, since he wasn't allowed to go here in Manila. It sucks. :'|
Things were planned already, and I was like dreaming to be with him even for a dinner, or for just a day out, walking with hands crossed around his arms. But, we FAILED. :'(
We haven't seen each other for 6 months now. Dang. :(

***

Annoying THURSDAY.

I called boyfie then. I missed him like crazy. He said, he wouldn't be able to be with me on our anniversary. Kbye. But it's like 6 months of being away, fcuk. I hattttttteeeee it! Anyway, I just tried to amile the way I used to, talked like a matured adult, swooning over a love song. lol. I mean, it's like having a sugar cane. Indeed, really sweet. Then, said goodbyes and drag along with the usual, 8 letter words.

***

Buckle headed FRIDAY.

Boyfie's one buckle headed guy. Why? he swam across just to save a drowning tourist, on the beach, and he did not even tell me that he's going there. Fcuk. He said, he only have a few money, and it's not enough to load his phone. lol. Woo. Very darn reason. He's really buckle headed. Before, he swore to make paalam whenever he's going out, and me too of course. But now, come on. He's like saying "I can't make it up to you, but I can be with my friends anytime soon." So, what now?! I talked to him already, he's tired DAW. But, I don't really think so. And what about that tourist? Okay, those were the girls, he would usually go for. Now, you know why I'm like this. I don't trust him when it comes to such things. Rude, right? :))

random.

2009-07-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

TANTAY BOYS.

We had our educational tour last Wednesday, and indeed, I have fun. Tantay boys are really thoughtful, they even help me do the rapelling jobs, even the running thing. I really enjoyed being with them. Hope to be with these guys next time! :)

Sad thing, I don't have any pictures with them. Poor me.

****

FRIDAY HEARTACHES.

I always wonder why "break-up" exists in his dictionary.

Just this morning, I received a message from him asking me whether why am I not texting him. For me, I'm not numb nor stupid to feel the pain. Imagine, I am going to text him, and ask for his pardon, after receiving all those curses from him? :( But you know what.. I was really hurt. Yes, I am. I don't know if I simply became blind for accepting him again to invade my life. But the pain lives in, though, I know the person is HURTING ME A LOT. I just can't find ways to be mad at him for a long time, though, he always insist about break-ups, and he's not saying any good things anymore.

At this point, I'm allowing people to call me stupid, because of loving a person who's a total freak and won't do anything just to see me happy. And you know the absolute pain? I can't feel it anymore. :(

I'm not the type of girlfriend who used to count all the mistakes of her partner. But this time, I wanna give it a try, just to be at ease. :(

1. He was tempted to another girl.
2. He cursed me and my parents.
3. He smoked weeds before, but eventually stopped because of i-don't-know.
4. He used to be angry to me, even with the simplest things.
5. He used to call me "bitch", when he's mad.

*****
And you know what.. I LEARNED TO ACCEPT HIM. DESPITE OF EVERYTHING.
See? That's how he ruled the relationship, not to mention, ruined..

I don't know if Imma going to be okay today. I hate it. :( I really hate it when he let me feel deeply in love with him, though I know, this relationship isn't worth keeping.

And, his final words were:
"Ayoko na din sa relasyong to."

Is he still worth keeping? Why do I have to keep myself from holding on? :(

random.

2009-07-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

It's been weeks since I've blogged something about that freak anniversary. And, it's making me sick again. But now, I'm hell-a okay, so, I'm gonna blog about all those random things that happened after our hilarious anniversary. I hope this time, these things will definitely make me happy. ((:

FRIDAY HUMILIATION, LAUGHTER and BLUSH-Y MOMENT.

HUMILIATION.

I would always love to continue recalling about what happened last Friday, though, it made me sick afterwards. haha. :))

Here how it goes:

HUMILIATION

Come on. You're spelling H-E-L-L.

Woo. you're going to ask me a favor to get your stuffs, and everything?!!!! Freak.

***

LAUGH-Y.LAUGHTER.

After that humiliation thing, I decided to go home after all the tasks I did. It's kinda' raining, by then. Good thing, I was able to see my BFF Neenah with another close friend Mira. HAHAHA. We decided to go to Neenah's house since we're waiting for the rain to stop pouring. After going to Neenah's house, I called my mom and aunt to tell them that I will be going home late. Guess what happened after that? :)

The rain keeps on pouring down. lol. And the funniest thing here is that, streets became flooded. Also the compound where my BFF lives in! hahaha. We're so scared that we wouldn't be able to go home earlier than we expected. ((: And, the hilarious thing here is that, there are no boots available! YESSS! Totally and absolutely funny! What we did is that, we put plastic bags on our feet, and after few hours of thinking about how are we going to pass there.. someone from the neighborhood, let us borrow their boots. haha. LMFAO. hoohoo!
We swear to buy boots for our dear friend neenah. =)) hahaha.

Indeed, we had a good time!

***

BLUSH-Y MOMENT.

I always love it when people care for me too much. And guess what, my NEW friend, I kinda' like him, I mean, the way he acts. He's quite matured 'coz he's already 17. HAHAHA. But you know, I would always love to meet new people and new friends.

So, when I got home, I immediately texted my honey that I came home late, and apologized for doing so, because it's really raining hard then. So, he didn't reply but I continued texting him tho. Until, I received a message from a guy friend, asking me whether I was home already. HAHAHA. =) Wee. I blushed. haha. I wasn't expecting him to text me like that, since yeah.. he's new, and I was just a friend, and he's COMMITTED :)

From then, I texted him late at night, then, he replied that he sent his girlfriend home. Wew. I got kilig with them ((: He really love her girlfriend. :) I'm so happy for him. :)

I envy them for being together. Honey's not here with me. I missed him tho.

Later in the evening, we chat with each other, haha. :)) SC[friend's name] is super caring. :) He even told me that, I was beautiful, and I don't even need to be insecure with the freak girl, he even asked me what kind of guy I like. I find him thoughtful, and I even tell him stories about my honey. :x In love. :)

SATURDAY SWEETNESS and SICKNESS.

Early morning, I didn't received any message from my honey. :( I was expecting one then, not until I received a thoughtful message from him. :) He told me to drink my meds and everything. I was sick that time. I find it hard to breath with coughs and colds. :| But still, he finds time to send me a message like that. :) How sweet. :) :x

But you know what, I don't know why I don't want to talk to him that time? :( It's like, I don't trust him anymore. :( I dunno.

SUNDAY KISSES and MISSES.

Since, I can't take to get rid of talking to him... I decided to text him, saying I had loaded my phone already, and I wanted to talk to him. Before I sent that message, my phone received a mad message, but I only find it out after I sent a sweet message for honey.. He's mad at again. I hate it, but, he immediately, took the initiative the control himself from doing so. :)

After taking a bath, he told me, that whatever good or bad news he's going to hear from me, he still misses me tho. :)) I super love that moment. :) But, not until now. :|

UNRULY, RUDE, MONDAY.

I found out that, he smoked weeds before. :(( Damn. I wanna cried hard because of what I know, and the only good thing is that, it came from him. :(

But, guess what, I promised him that, I'll never gonna leave him. Yes. You know what, I took that, as an opportunity to tell him, how much I care for him, and I wanted to prove them, that those are just challenges. That, we're going to stay with each other for real. And, I wanna help him out, since it's already a year ago, since he did that. I know, that's how a girlfriend, a bestfriend, and a wife should be. I super love him despite of everything. :(

TUESDAY CONFUSION.

I don't even received any message from him. I don't know whether he's mad at me or what. He's a guy with no initiative at times. :( But, I still love him tho. I texted him in a confusing manner. But, still, it's like he don't even care at all.

WEDNESDAY BREAK-UP.

He was mad. He texted me with an anxious manner like "napakagago mo." I was amazed, and hurt. I was crying in the bus, asking myself where did I go wrong, and what did I say to make him mad. Only to find out that, he got mad because I informed him about our field trip just this tuesday. Is he reasonable enough to do so? :( I'm hurt. I'm deeply hurt.

Later in the afternoon, I wasn't able to read his messages since my phone's drained already. He flooded me with messages, and telling me how dumb I am, how freak I was, He's blaming everything to me. :( I hate it. :(

I can't take it.

And where does the irony lies?

WE JUST BROKE UP. :(

The Stunning Revelations.

2009-07-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

ANNIVERSARY GUILT,PRIDE,LIES.

Rocker,
It's been months since I've cried for you. Months of wiping my tears paid off when the third day of May came and where back in each others' arms again. But suddenly, without expecting anything in return or what, I think, I found my karma again. I don't know if I have to cry this out again, or I need to feel insecure with your ex because she's pretty and me is not, and the hardest thing is to feel that she still occupies a big part of your devil heart. And guess what I felt..

I felt worthless without any cause or any degree to show how pathetic I am, thinking that everything you said was true. Again, the so called relationship was turned DOWN, OFF, BROKEN, or whatever you called it. And this worthless insecurity is living under my skin.

Out of my burning patience, out of your sweet pathetic words, I allowed you to invade my life again. Yes, for the 100th time, you came back. And, it was the 22nd day of June.

Things worked out well until one afternoon came when according to you, a girl texted you on that very moment and she told you about her state of being pregnant, and asking for your help. Do you know how it feels to know about such thing while fighting with you on that very moment? Can't you feel my agony that time? I had this stupid insecurity with your so called ex, then I had this news from you that you made a girl pregnant? After this incident, I chose to stay calm and immediately ask you to give me the number of the preggy girl you're talking about, when all of a sudden you swear that IT WAS ONLY YOUR FRIENDS WHO WERE GOOFING AROUND PRETENDING TO BE THAT PREGGY GIRL.

How do you want me to react?

After this, I decided to text your ever so dearest FRIEND just to ask something about you but not exactly about that stupid message or prank.I received and understand his message as a very contradicting message when I know, all the while, you considered him as your friend. Take note: as a friend. Then, I end up with no any other information, but the single thing that your so called friend hates you. Yes, he hates you, but he refused to tell me why, and his reason is that, he simply wanted to graduate. See? Is that your so called friend? Out of respect I didn't try to force him to say so, I just accepted what he had said. But still, this is just a secret thing to keep, since I swear to your friend that I'm not going to tell anyone about that.

Days passed thinking that everything's alright, when I finally received a ba-ba-boom message from you saying how stupid I am for not trusting you, and for asking your friend about who you are to them. I apologized for doing so, right? But later on, I realized, why do I have to say sorry? Is there anything wrong in asking your friends about you? BESIDES, I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, and ACCORDING TO YOU, YOUR WIFE. Do you even bother to listen to all my explanations? Yes, maybe, you listened. But, you never know how to accept your defeat. You simply made things worst now. You simply showed me how bitter you are. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY SORRY. Am I right dear? You shouldn't be afraid of me, asking your friends about you, in the first place.. you yourself know the truth. .

Later in the evening, you mentioned about this freaking thing. You've been seduced with a girl named *toot. Am I right Karl? What's wrong with you? How many times did I asked you about her? How many times did you denied about it? How many times did you lied about her? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE ABOUT HER????? Aren't you contented with your own girlfriend? Aren't you contented with me? Why do you have to do this?

Imagine my horror, when you told me that "SHE EVEN LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ME(your girlfriend), AND HER."? I don't wanna call her a bitch, but, what do you think is the best adjective to describe her? How freak she is to seduce a guy whom she knew is TAKEN? Am I too harsh with you? Am I too cold? Or you simply want to get something you know, I CAN'T GIVE YOU NOW??

Don't be such a dumbass liar, a freak man, like the others. I've loved you all this time, but look what did to me now? Look on what's happening now. See? This is the product of your FOOLISH PRIDE, of your FOOLISH LIES, and your UNCONTROLLED LUST.

Then to that girl,please, stay away. I'm asking you dearly, okay?

*To my readers, sorry for all the things that I wrote here. This is how foolish I am for believing everything in this LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

Burning Tension

2009-07-01T03:35:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY TENSION.

Today is our group presentation in Filipino. Almost everyone have their respective groups. Anyway, it has something to do with the title and how the group presentation went on.

1st group got: 82% only.
2nd group got: 85% only.
3rd group got: 87% only.
4th group got: 84% only.

This are the grades we got from our GROUP presentation, and these were given by our dear classmates. But you know what's on my mind when we received such grades from them? I had this unfair feeling. Why? Actually, it started with my group. Receiving 82% is not bad, but the way it was graded? OMY. First, the rubrics is good. But, the way my classmates gave their grades is quite unfair.

I saw the other groups presentation, everyone is quite prepared, especially the third and the fourth group. The third group did the symbolism part and the fourth group explained about the moral of the lesson. What made me disappointed is that they gave a stunning 19 points for the 2nd group while the 4th group received only 18 points?! Imagine my dismay when I saw that. The second group had NO visuals or any costumes since they were assigned to perform the said part, BUT come to think of it.. they received a point higher than the other while they are not EVEN prepared with that short skit? Yes, they memorized only a FEW of their lines, but they didn't even show something that I CAN SAY.. ENOUGH for them to receive that grade. I was like WTH with them? Can't they see the difference?! It's super unfair for the other group.

Good thing, our teacher asked us to comment about the presentations. And obviously, I commented, but, I didn't use or group to compare with them,it would be such a loser thing to their eyes. How freaky. Obviously, I commented because it would be unfair to the other groups who did such a good presentation, but receiving only a poor grade. Every grade counts! Even a point or one! And well, I saw their brows pointing to me. Now I know.. some people are not that strong to admit or to receive the consequences of their actions.

Besides, that's what I see. It's my opinion. and, the REAL thing is very OBVIOUS. I just hate it when people needs to be blind to see what's in front of them.

NOMINATION DUDE.

2009-06-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY NOMINATION.

I was hell-a nominated. So, there, please try to vote.. HAHAHA. =)
Even a little. :)
I just wanna experience the feeling of being nominated. lol.

So, there.. I would be ranting about my life later, together with my freakin' boyfie. lol. ((:
Is he a boyfie, though? HAHAHA :D

The legend's death. MICHAEL JACKSON.

2009-06-26T03:35:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of GOOGLE.

Michael Jackson died. :|
Uhh.. the legend's death makes the world wipe their tears.

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight till the end
But I'm only human

Everyone's taking control of me
Seems that the world's
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show it to me?
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bare me.
-lyrics courtesy of sing365.com

Awww.

Some things comeback when time let them too.

2009-06-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

I was hella bored and busy lately that's why I missed blogging so much ((:

Now, I'll be ranting almost about everything. I now have the courage to stoop down and look back on the past. Just as things went smoothly lately, just as my long lost best friend, finally had her time to talk to me again. :) Am so happpppy.

THURSDAY FREAK.

Sadly, my dude(dad) was confined to the hospital, because of high blood at the same time, Diabetes too, I GUESS. It was freaky to find him sleeping on their room and he's feeling weird that time. He told me about how he felt, and you know, I was too shocked to know about his condition. Again, after a long time, he was confined to the hospital again. Mom, isn't here that time, but I immediately told him about dude, so she went home early. Luckily, he's fine when he was on the hospital, despite the poor condition there. I simply hate staying there thou. Then, Later on the evening, I realized that no one was with me then. I'm with my auntie at home, the two of us only.

FRIDAY BACK.
Friday morning, I was so surprised to found my LONG LOST hankie on my cabinet. Gaad. That was freakin' scary. I was so surprised because I lost that for 3 weeks already, only to find out that, my auntie found it on her laundry. I was like WTH? I'm not expecting that my hankie will be back again. And you know, what's significant with that? My ex-boyfriend gave that to me. HAHAHA. :D

School hours were over, and since it's a half-day, my friends were asking me to come with them and spend hours on Cedrick's house. I wasn't able to come since I need to go home early, thinking that I should go to the hospital then. And, I only have Joseph (another friend of mine) who knows what's going on. Anyway, they understand it thou. BUT... what's freakin' crazy is that, my ex-boyfriend texted me, trying to ask me back. ((: Imagine how happy I was with that.. :))

This is the day wherein I found my hankie(given by my ex- boyfriend), only finding that he would comeback later in the afternoon! Gaaaaaad. Super happy. We talked about things then, trying to fix everything.

SATURDAY HELL.
Saturday's fun! SUPER DUPER. I did some camwhoring on the school's comfort room after the Parents' orientation. I love camwhoring. lol. Every josephian love it. I had lots of pictures, I enjoyed doing so. lol.

You know, the best thing here? I'm wearing my BORA shirt! whew! love it!

SUNDAY HOLY.
Tita and I went to church. I saw some familiar faces, and guess what..
I saw my ex-ka-MU's mom! It's tita Emer! Yaaay. I missed her then. She was good to me back then. She likes me and she even thinks of me as her son's gf. WTF. I've never BEEEEEN! SWEAR. Not on my dreams anyway. But, anyway, she's really hospitable, very approaching. She's way different from her son. Her son is like.. duh. ;)) nuff said. :)

MONDAY HAPPINESS.
Finally, we talked about things, and made things OFFICIAL again. Swear. I'm using the handkerchief again, and the ring. Actually, we had a world war again, but luckily, pride isn't present anymore. :)

My dude came home already. He's a bit okay, and he still has vertigo. :| Poor dude.
BTW, mom and dude, even auntie, don't know about us. Just plaese, keep quiet. :(
We wanted to last forever. I'm sorry dude, mom and tita. :(( We simply love each other. :( I'm hoping that someday, you all, are going to accept him. :|
Super sad. :(((

TUESDAY APOLOGIES.
We talked about things again. About his ex. But you know what, this hurts me MOOOORE. As in. Super hurt. Freaking hell. He apologized then, and I was trying to hold my temper, and to love him MORE than how he feels about me. Damn. I was this crazy to accept this guy. And you know what, we're okay. I was trying to keep the memories away. And so, I'm happy with him now.

Lord, thank you so much.

WEDNESDAY HEARTS AND STRINGS ATTACHED.
This day is uber cool. We don't have classes since it's Manila Day. I got a mad wake up message from my guy. Damn. But.. since I was too sleepy, I fell asleep again after I explained everything to him. He was like.. crazy. He apologized for what he said that day. He even called me "baby, mah, sweetie" again. I was super kilig when I woke up. I texted him immediately, saying I was okay, and that I was hoping that he would not do that again. I texted him from morning, then, another message for lunch. Then he texted me when he got home then. Okay, do you think, am such a nagger? Nah. I'm not. He simply want me to be that way to him. He wanted me to text him at least thrice a day, updating him about everything. :) Good thing, I have a boyfie like him. lol. I forgot about the past already.

He even texted me with "I missed you". :) I know, that's uber sweet.

THURSDAY MADNESS.
Again. Another hell-y thursday. It's raining hard outside. Classes were suspended. I was super afraid to go outside. I can't even buy load for myself even for boyfie. :( Super sad.

BUT.. my boyfie's super sweet! I received a uber sweet morning message from him. I looove him. He greeted me with "take care baby,I love you..,". HAHAHA. Who wouldn't get chessy with that? I got a big smile today. HAHAHA. As in. Okay, my boyfie's the best. I looove him. SUPER.

And, guess what, I chat with my old friend in US. HAHA. I missed her. She really changed though. She also had her boyfriend. And you know, they look good together. :) Am happy for her. Hope to see her soon!

BTW, I guess, we'll have our classes tomorrow. So, I gotta need to sleep early tonight. :)
And well, thank Big Bro, for giving him back to me. I love you Big Bro! I looooove Boyfie too! I miss you. :">

I don't know where I went wrong.

2009-06-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

First, to my dear readers, I can't promise that this blog may have a big impact to you or to me or to somebody else. Forgive me now. I just want to write everything out. I just want to share my thoughts, because of one thing.. "I just can't take this pain anymore".

I feel lost now. I just can't take the pain I'm experiencing now.I've cried everything out, but still the pain won't die on its natural death. There is still something that made me cry each time I saw those things or I hear those words.

Since school year just started, I've been quite busy with my studies as well as with my plans. But, I never thought that I would start this school year with a depressing state. Obviously, we've been for two years together with all the pains, happiness, struggles, and challenges we conquered. I know I changed something in him, and I know he changed something in me too. What's burning me most is the fact that I just can't leave everything behind my back. You know the so called thing "move on", right? But, why can't I? To be cruelly honest to myself and to everybody, I don't really know where I went wrong, at this point. Yesterday, we were like children, who were cursing each other, and even saying things that we know, these hurt us too. I don't really know what road to take, or what baggage to leave. I don't even know what he really feel about it. My mind would always be filled with such thing as "I don't know". And the most I don't know thing is, the reason why he lied.

Some people advised me to move on. But, aren't they aware that two years is quite hard to just move on and give up the one you love? At this point, I wanna show him that I'm strong enough, even without him. I wanna let him feel how hard is it to be bitter on the coming days. But, do you think, am I happy with that? Of course, that wouldn't be fine with me, because deep inside this damn thing is the fact that, love still exist. AND WILL ALWAYS EXIST.

To make things worst, he's calling me a user. I was wondering why?! I can simply say "hell I care?!", but of course, I won't do that thing. I don't really know the reason why he's calling me a user. I was hurt. I was in deep pain. I have nothing to do, but think why things are like that, why things changed in just a snap, and why did he used somebody else to break up with me. It would always be much braver and easier to tell the truth than to make a story for me to believe in.

Why can't he understand that am being hurt and shattered into pieces while he's saying all those lies? No, this isn't martyrdom at all. For me, this is my promise. Wanna know why?

Simply because, before he came back,
I told God, that the moment that we'll be together again, I promised to be with him, to fight for him with all my might, to be his dream girl, to be the best person that I can be. And until now, that is my promise.

But now, that this happened, I don't know how to fulfill this promise anymore. :((
I'm sorry, I just can't help but cry. :(

He's lost. Our lost.

2009-06-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

It was a freaky Wednesday when I texted him thinking that he would understand why I came home late. Okay.. Yaaaay for me. I've been honest na.

Yes. I'm cruelly honest na with Karl, because I know this is for us. This gonna be a way to bring everything back to it's proper place. BUT... later in the evening, I wonder why he got mad at me. I don't know any reasons. I'm SUPER patient now. Swear. He was mad and he's asking me why I'm not texting him since it's dinner time already.. then I said, I'm busy with homeworks and other school stuffs, when all of a sudden, he doubtfully ask me certain questions. I wonder why. I know I came home late because of the orientation but, I've explained that to him.

The fight went on.. he's like stepping into my pride and he made me feel humiliated with the way he asked his questions. What the hell did I do karl? Then, thursday finally came, later in the afternoon, he talked to one of my closest girl friend, and said everything about what's happening between us. Yaay. I wanna cry. He don't understand me. What's the point of saying sorry? I don't have to say sorry. I'm so into him. He don't believe at all. He's thinking that I was the same old [insert my name here], who dumped him before. But he don't understand. I changed! I know I haved! Yes. I'm stupid to do so, but I changed.

Thursday night came, I was shocked to hear his news. His ex girlfriend called him DAW. He was looking for his ex daw kasi when we broke up. Then suddenly, here's the result. They talked for hours maybe, then they end up reconciling with each other and the girl accepted him again. See? It feels like hell. What's the point of saying this?

Hindi porket nag-away kami eh magkakabalikan na sila. That's my point. Besides, gf ako? I have the rights. BUT.. honestly.. I don't believe him. I don't believe him saying that they're like unofficially together again. I know karl. I still believe that he loves me. I still do.

I wanna talk to girl, right now just to clear things out. He gave the girl's number which is in abroad pa, but I failed to contact her. So, meaning, he's lying. :(
This is the first time that I caught him lying. SRSLY. Is he doing this as a repay for me being- UNFAITHFUL to him before? Is he just playing around to let me know how it feels to be dumped?

Karl, why do you have to lie?
What is your motive?
I know you very well, so there's no point of denying that you're just lying.
The reason is too shallow for you to act like that.
Are you happy with this? tell me! :(

The comeback.

2009-06-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

You've been my happiness.
You've my worst enemy.
But, despite of everything, you'll always be my man beyond forever.

Yaaay. :) June 3, 2009-Wednesday, is really an awesome day! My honey's back :)) I super love him. It's been a month since we parted, and now we're I guess, super in love and very much in love with each other. I'd like to say it redundantly. I miss him so much. I thought, he's in abroad already, but I knew my instincts never failed me! YES! He's here in Philippines, because obviously, he can't leave me. Woo. I'm such a meanie. :))

My long wait, depressed emotions are over. I wanna be his best girl. I wanted to let him that everything's worth the wait.

Actually, it was a freaky afternoon, when I got a missed call from him. At first, I was really hesitant to see who's on the line then, but when I saw his name, I'm sooooo emotional. I cried because of joy and longing. Until, I texted him, asking, what's his problem, then he's like in denial, that he's really calling me. Then he said "take care", I replied with, "Sure, I will. You too.", after that, he replied with "i love you". Of course, I said, "I love you too- you know that". Gaaaaad. Love is indeed lovelier the second time around. My eyes was in deep tears. I miss my Karl! I know, he still love me. We finally reconciled, and decided to take the risks again, and stay in love again.

I really appreciate the way he did. He made a way to bring things back together. I'm so in love with my guy. I really love him. My love didn't changed at all. I've been blogging things about our so called on and off relationship, but this was the only time that I've been so happy knowing and feeling that we're together again. Two years is quite long for all the things that we've been through, but these two years just keep us better. I know were not the perfect couple, but this time, I believe that, God made this for us. This is His way, that's why I wasn't frightened to give my precious "yes", to the man I've been in love for the longest time.

I'm hoping for these two years to be moooooore fruitful. I know my parents wouldn't want us to see together again, but I wanna prove them, that my man, is a good one, that he changed already. I wanna grow together with my karl, and I love him so much.

To my honey,
Honey, I love you so much.
Our two years are not that good, but please, this time, let's make it right.
As you said so.
Your baby loves you so much. I love you honey.
Please be good to me, okay? :">

I miss you.
Distance isn't a reason :)
I wanna grow with you.
HONEY, please, a little freedom okay?
Your baby loves you so much..

A day at Tokyo Cafe

2009-06-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

Yaaaaay. :)) I so love blogging today. Anyway, I have some pics here where we took in Tokyo Cafe at SM North Edsa The Block. I so love the place. Yes! The food too! It's a fine dining and I would recommend this place for all the couples! :)) The place is not that big but enough to occupy at least 30 people I guess, and the food tastes ooh~la~la. I love it! I love the steak, super juicy. Their costs is quite fine because the servings(per set of food) were really enough for two people. Perfect date! :)

hamburg's so delicious! :)

This is their strawberry and cheesecake dish :)
I soooo love their dessert.

yesss! another shot. haha. :)) stolen, isn't it?

I really enjoyed this! Thanks tita. :) I wanna comeback here sooooon. Oh, wait, I should bring my Karl here when he came back in Manila. Yaaay! Another sweeet moments to cherish!

So, why wait, right? Bring your loved ones here. :) I told you, they promise great foods at an affordable price. SWEAR. :) It wouldn't be like... para maiba naman. :)

vain.

2009-06-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

This time, I promised to be true, even if it means that vanity will be my crime.
One more thing, I wanted to speak on my native tongue even just for today.

This is an open letter, the moment you read this karl, you're going to understand that I'm desperate.

kamusta ka na? You know what, I've been waiting for you for so long, to call me or leave a message back. Pasensya ka na. I'm quite depressed these past few days. My mind isn't functioning well. My instincts aren't really telling me anything, not unless the fact that, destiny still exist between the two of us.

I have this effin' headache. I'm sick, right now, I know you won't mind asking me why. Anyway, as this depression strikes out, the effin weather makes me lonely. The rain is quite hard and pouring, leaving all the streets flooded, soaked, and wet. I was watching a t.v program last time, and guess what... I ended crying all along, then trying to fix MY problem by simply taking a bath just for them not to notice me crying. The talk show host is right. She's right for mentioning na yung rains eh symbol ng problems or whatever shortcomings. Tama naman eh. I'm stucked in this effin' memories, trying to get up, but still buried alive.

Bakit ba hindi ko kayang maging better without you? Yes. I'm vain nga. You wanna know why? Imagine, I created a blogspot account just for you to read my thoughts someday, then I had this multiply account, which I actually use to sneak through others' account expecting you to be their friend or online buddy. Gumawa din ako ng facebook account and added the other people who happened to be somewhat related to your name. Vain much dear? :) I also have a twitter account, and guess what... I'm looking for you there. Next time, xanga account naman, or myspace, or AOL. Anything na ginagamit sa Canada , kung nandun ka nga. Yaaay! I'm crying na. :(

Okay, kulang ang 24/7 para sabihin lahat. Usually, I rant here lang, too bad you came, you broke my heart, now, mga heartaches na ang maririnig (mababasa) nila dito. I've been such a stagnant water for quite long, and lahat dahil sayo?! Boohooo! Poor me. I don't think na pinagsisishan ko to, never hon. :) Never.

Now, I'm going to sleep na. I finished crying and ranting.

Thanks to this blog, for giving me this chance, to mess you up. :)
Sooner later, pag nabasa niya LAHAT to, it will be worth the time and effort. :)

lovesssss,
Karl Aldrine's geek. :)

supposedly,it's our 22nd.

2009-06-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, it's our 22nd.

Hi guys, I just wanna share this message I've posted on the bulletin of my friendster.
Yes! I'm kinda' vain when I posted this.

Just read, and you'll know the reason why I did. :)

Hi :)

Happy 22nd monthsary karl.

I know you won't even dare to read this, but I'm just greeting you, dear. :)

I love you so much even if you don't love me anymore. I miss. :|

I know your happy now. thank you.

I love you karl.

Comeback to me when you feel like you have to, and when you realize you still love me too.

I love you so much. I bet, you know that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

XXX

There's still a part of me saying that, I can't afford to lose him, that's asking whether he's still into me.
But I know, things changed now. I have to accept the feeling of guilt and also the hurt. Thanks to our foolish pride, we parted.

Goodbye karl.
Until we see each other again.

Tomorrow is supposedly our day, but I know, it won't be celebrated again.

P.S [to God]
God, you know how much I love you, that's why I obey the rules you wanted me to obey.
But, please, if ever you see my Karl Aldrine Supe again, tell him, I'm waiting.
I'm constantly waiting.

Thank you God. Amen.

fall for you

2009-06-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

Fall for you-Secondhand Serenade

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Best thing about tonight's that we’re not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying......
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core..

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

Obviously, the song here is "fall for you" by the secondhand serenade. I'm really not into music, but I don't know why I went gaga over this song. I love the lyrics so much. maybe this is because I'm still into him. I'm still dreaming everything about him, everything about us. haha.

How I wish, time will come will come that he's going to sing this song to me, that we're going to be together again, that he'll love me again the way he did it before.

And yes! I love the word "again".
'coz I know, there would never be us "again". But still, in my memories, there are always, another us, another him, another me that lives.

I'm sorry.

SHOES for my feet

2009-05-30T23:46:00.000-07:00

Comfty SHOES for my feet

*credits to those who took these pics.

I've been to several shoe stores only to see that the shoes they're selling isn't my type after all. Basically, because, not all of them sells these ohh la la footwear. Yes! I've been in love with these t-traps for the longest time, but still I can't find something that can be versatile enough to match all my outfits. I don't care whether they aren't uso or in anymore. I'm simply after the comfty thing. haha. :))

I have two pairs of them. One was bought in a nearby department store, and I bought the other one in Celine. I love them both. One, because of comfty. Two, because of versatility in any outfit. And three, because of that sexy thing. lol. Definitely! It gives me that sexy feet, not that ginger one. haha. I hate having those ginger feet, kinda' gross to for the boys to see. lol.

So, there... I go random today.. haha.
Since, I don't have any heartaches to publish at this moment. :)

P.S
Goooodluckkkk to me. :)

Teenage Hearts

2009-05-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

First: Forgive me for all the grammatical errors here. I know there are.
Second: I made this, back in 2006 I guess... just to kill boredom, and not because of someone. Swear.
Third: I found this AGAIN on my files, I just feel like posting it, without editing ANYTHING.
So, be reminded that, mistakes are here. I'd rather post this with all those mistakes, because this reminds me of my childhood aspirations of becoming a journalist (until now), and that I committed a lot of mistakes in writing since I was too young then.
Fourth: Feel free to read it, whether you can relate to the subject or not.
Fifth: Comments are appreciated, just place it there on the tagboard, with RESPECT. :)

Now, you're good to go. :)

"TEENAGE HEARTS"

I came to this point,
with nothing to say,

My heart beats as you passes through my way,
Yes! It beats and knocks off through the day,

There's something I need to do,
But why do I have to?

My feelings had passed since I've left you,
But I just can't understand what I'm going through in this point of view,

Knock! Knock! Knock!
Here is me again, knocking in your heart,

I don't know what to say, as you passed my way,
I know I have hurt you with all the things that I told you,

I want to say, I need you,
But I wasn't sure if you still want me too,

Before, I want to say, I still love you,
But obstacles keep passing through,
And I have to stop myself from dreaming of you,

Tick tack, tick tack, my clock acts,
As months pass my heart grows and fights back,

Suddenly, a strong familiar voice speaks in,
My heart dwells in,

The voice spoke to me,
My maiden dear, why are you letting him wait for all these years?

I know you still love him,
And I'm sure it's within,
Within my eyes I saw you,
You love him, just like I love you,

Go! My maiden dear,
Stand up here with no fear,
Remember that I'm here, standing beside you really clear,

He really loves you,
Just like you do,
Until his last breath will do,
If you will only say, you love him too,

Days had passed, and finally the most awaited one came to a last,
finally, the maiden dear headed through,
to tell her feelings so true,

My dear best, I don't know how to tell you,
'coz my feelings for you are not yet through,
It is still going through,
even if you will not say, you love me too,

An unexpected action was done,
from the boy that she really loves as a man.

The boy came near,
tending to make his eyes so clear,

He came closer and,
he wishes to the girl that,
this moment may not end,
because he wants to tell his feelings to his ever so dearest best friend,

Best, he said,
I know I have nothing to say 'coz you really light up my way,
Even though problems always comes your way,
And I'm not always there for you to stay,

Best, she said too,
I know these things are not so easy as were passing through,
I don't want to say goodbye,
while the time is still passing by,
and my feelings for you is not yet rely,

My heart broke and die,
As you said goodbye to me during that time,
'coz I really want you to stay,
and continuously light up my way,

I know, I maybe miles away,
but distance is not an astray.

Before, I want to say, I love you,
But as more than a friend wouldn't do for you,

The boy hold her hand and said,
My dear best,
Thank you for being the best,
And for loving me among the rest,

Best, the girl said,
there's nothing I wouldn't do for you,
'coz I trully love you,

The boy hugged her,
as if it's been a long time since he saw her.

Their conversation just ended,
and finally a fairy tale ending was pleaded.

They went together as if nothing happened,
between him and her.

And the girl heard the voice again,
And as her prayer ends,
She realized that it was her mother,
speaking to her,
for her broken heart to mend,
and to tell her best friend,
that she still wants to stay with her best, till the end.

NEW layout.

2009-05-29T03:06:00.000-07:00

NEW layout

I have new layout for my site :)

Just navigate through those rainbow colored words above. :)

Enjoy!

.geek

A Lady at 18.

2009-05-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

I made this edited pic of
LADY DIANNE MADRID.
She turned 18 last May 20, Wednesday.

For me, she's such a wonderful lady, that despite her flaws, she managed to graduate with flying colors. I can still remember the times when we worked together for the school council. She's really awesome! SWEAR. She let me realized that I can be better than I thought I could be. She's really nice. She's such a good leader, a model student, and an ate to everybody. I would love to be her younger sister. :)

Right now, she's studying at University of St. Tomas, an accountancy student. I hope she would never change the way she is. And well, people love her simply because, she celebrates her uniqueness. :)

Ate Lady,
Hey! Thanks for being like a sister to me.
You know, you are the one who let me know
how to develop my skills. Thanks for showing
me my forte.

Many more birthdays and ROSES to come.
never change the way you are.

Thanks for being a like a sister to me. :)

P.S
Readers! :) I tried to cover my name here. haha. :))

Paulo Coelho says:

2009-05-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

Paulo Coelho said:

We humans have two great problems: the

first is knowing when to BEGIN; the second

is knowing when to STOP.

-Zahir

You haven't moved upward.

2009-05-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

YOU haven't moved upward.

ME:I know, I have moved forward, but why is this bugging me too much?
VY:You tried to move forward, but you never tried to move upward, do you understand what I mean?

This is a conversation between a friend and me, when I was trying to screw about how my past is bugging me too much. Somehow, I know she's right. I can still remember how I went gaga over this guy, whom I've been with for more than a year and few months.

There are some points to consider here:

*I know I have moved forward-leaving everything behind, left with nothing, but my life.
*I'm not used to changes.
*DEPRESSION is my number one enemy.
*LOVE is quite evident. Quite existing, I said.

I made such list for me to understand well, my stupidity for the said subject-PAST. Okay, back to her point of view. I know she's right. I got her point. My past is our subject. Our break-up thing is our subject.

I was left stranded on this traffic jam, and now, I don't know how to move myself from this stupid past. That break-up seems to be the most difficult turning point in my life. For you guys, to understand clearly, I was young then when I met him, then we had these trials that every couples went through, but we never expected that these would make us even weaker than we've ever been.

I won't mention the exact things that happened, but I'm quite sure that this is God's test. Everything was His way of saying "he isn't for you, look for someone better instead." With that thing, I accepted the fact that we wouldn't last the way we want to. Simply because we're quite different, and we're million miles away. But, those adorable trials made me stronger, perhaps... him too. But now, these sacrifices turned out to nothing. So much for saying, "this is puppy love". But, it isn't.

I knew it. I haven't moved upward. I haven't made any single step. I don't have any stepping stone. This is just a broken heart. This is a young love. But the moment I left myself in the past, is the moment when I realized that "this young love, is my first true love".

P.S
Later on, I'll be ranting about the remaining points that I consider on my past. :)
I hope, this would make me a better girl now. :)

Things that remain UNFAVORED.

2009-05-14T23:58:00.000-07:00

The UNFAVORED POSSIBILITIES

Rocker,

Hey dear, it's been a long time since we talked, and shared news to each other. And, well, I miss you badly.

I remember the times when you can't keep on touching my hair and making me blush for a couple of times a day. You know what.. that really makes me feel better. Oh, those times when I can't keep on nagging you because you came home late, just because of a fight between you and my ex-boyfriend. You know what, you made me believed that I'm worth fighting for. I miss the first time when we kissed each other at exactly, September 11, 2007, at around 3:45pm after class. You know what, that kiss is the sweetest kiss I've ever experienced. I can still remember how you call me "baby" everytime I talk to you angrily. Yes, dear, I know, I always nag. But why can't you understand that it's my sweetest way of saying "I care for you"? I believe sometimes, I'm quite unreasonable, but you never gave me the sign that you're giving up. You know, how much I love you for that!

Dear,remember the times that we almost break up, but still we can't, because it's our anniversary. I can still refresh my mind over those white roses I received from you on my 14th birthday! What about that silver necklace you gave me two Christmas ago? Hon, I love it so much. You know, I'm quite speechless when I received it, but that's my way saying "I'm so happy, to have you in my life! Thank you Lord!". Oh, what about that phone bill that we had, because of you! haha. :)

I love the times when you keep on saying that "I'm beautiful", despite of all my flaws and imperfections. I love the times when we hug each other in public, when we held hands together, in front of your parents, even though, I know you hate PDI (Public display of Intimacy). I miss the times when I hug you from behind, then kisses you on the cheeks, facing the mirror. Don't you know, that's my way of dreaming my future with you? I miss the times when we both sneaked out to celebrate my 14th birthday even when it's raining hard. You know, that's the best birthday ever regardless of all the tiger-looks you gave me because you're mad!

What about those funny moments we had? Remember when you wore your black chucks with a pair of socks that's higher than those chucks? I really laugh hard! But you know what, you really look good when you smile. Yes, you're not the most gorgeous guy, the most intelligent guy, but I love your hair the way it turns you down. I love the smile that you give when I said something funny. I know, I'll be loving you for the rest of my life.

I love the way you play your guitar, even though, it's beating my eardrums already! You're well skilled at it. Yamaha is your school before, and it seems that, this school is really for you. Honey, I hope I'll be hearing you play the guitar again. :) And, those stupid drums which made you as the official "drummer" of the school band. I love your music, but I don't have the guts to tell you so, because I'm afraid that you might tease me for being ignorant about your craft.

Honey, I really know how to cook! I can't tell you, because you might ask for a sample. Wait, can you still remember those times when the two of us were both hungry, and end up, eating four cups of rice together on a local tapsilogan (as they call it)? You know what, I really got fat after that! But, I can't take but eat...because I really love to watch you, while eating a lot, instead of seeing you with no appetite at all. And I can still remember how we looked for an open fastfood chain, in the wee hours, because we're both hungry! Luckily, we found out that MCDO is still open.. haha. That's in Cubao, isn't it?

My gosh. Until now, I'm still afraid that you might scold me from browsing the web without your permission. You know what, I'm really crying when you're scolding me, but I miss those darn rules you're imposing before.

I miss the times when we take naps together, and nothing happened! (simply because, we both know our limitations, correct honey?)

Christmas two years ago is very memorable to me. Can you still remember when we hugged and kissed with the Christmas lights opened? Gosh. I know, your parents saw that, but they just let us be. What about your cute little bro who told your cousins about the kiss thing? haha. :) I love him so much, but of course, I love youuuuuu mooore!

What keeps me going is the hard times we've been through, dear. My mind is still open with all the memories we shared, specially those times when we've been living apart from each other. I can't really describe the emotions I feel during those times. I was crying hard. I can't help it. You know how hard it is for me, not to see you in days, what about months? and now years? I can still remember those days when we're both struggling for something. Those days when we can't help but cry together because of all the pains and trials we're experiencing. Those days when we think that our love is stronger than the others. Those times when our faith was tested. Loyalty was destroyed. And, this put us to so much pain.

Honey, now I know... I'm the only one whose fighting for us. I know you're not here anymore. I don't know if you still loves me too. It's on the past dear. You're forgiven already. I know you don't mind about this thing. This gives me so much pain. I wonder how you gave up because of me, being UNFAITHFUL, LIAR, and a B*TCH. I'm sorry hon. I'm really sorry. I'm doing this, with the hope that someday, you're going to read this. I won't be a hypocrite. I'm still affected. It's been months since I've left you. Now, I'm regretting everything I did. I'm such a pain in your as*. I'm sorry for being stupid. I can't help it. I fell for him. Why? Simply because, you're not here physically. You're presence isn't here to comfort me all the while. I'm sorry. I know all my mistakes. I've been such a fool. Now, I realize you cannot forgive me anymore. I'm sorry. I changed already. Believe me please! But I know, you won't. I'm such a pessimist now. I know, I'm quite desperate and longing for your love. I really want you back. I'm sorry. I'm such a flirt for falling to another guy while you're there missing me and wanting me to be in your arms. Hon, I know, there are no reasons to let you stay. I'm pretty devastated and messed up. I'm sorry. I can't help but cry. I wanna cry out just for you to hear me, but won't you ever believe me? Would you held my hands again and tell me you love me? Of course, you won't. You're far away from me now. You're not going back to the Philippines anymore. I'm sorry. I can't make you stay all the while. I owe you everything. I'm sorry. Would you be my guy again? I'm sorry. I know you're still mad at me and you don't want to see me again. But, please dear, listen. I'm sincere. I won't do this thing, without my sincerity.

Thank you for everything. Thanks for the love, the patience, the cursed words you said, the lessons I forgot when you're not around. Now, I know, how hard it is for me to move on. I can't move on dear. I'm still stucked in this past. I know it sucks, but yes.. I'm still crazy in love with you. I wonder what you're doing right now. I wonder who you are with. I wonder how happy you are without me. I'm sorry. I got lost in this game. I'm such a player. I'm a loser in this game. Now, I'm starting to mess up with my life. I can't simply forget everything. You've occupied a big part of my life. I started everything with you, even my dreams, even my future. I want to bulid it up with you. I want to continue everything we've started. But, I know... it's too late. It's too late say to "sorry". I'm bitter. I love you so much. I'm sorry. Everything happened because of my foolish emotions. I'm sorry. I've been impatient with our relationship. Now, I know the feeling of being left behind. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I failed our test. I failed the test of faithfulness.

You know what, I still believe in destiny, in forever, in our dreams together. As what I've said a while ago, I'm still in pain. I'm a sucker for pain. I won't promise anything, dear. I would wait. I could wait. I hope you would ask me why. Obviously.. the reason is love. I want to spend a lifetime with you. I want to be married to you.

Can you still remember the first time we put our rings on? That was March 2, 2008. That was the happiest part of my life. I feel like I'm married to you even before we met. Can you still remember when you stayed with my mom and aunt to watch my recognition day? I'm sooooo happy during that time. I know you're in a hurry that time, but, you made me happy by staying for more than an hour and by finishing the whole program. Hey, i forgot to say, thank you. Thank you dear.

I loved you even before I met you.

You're my inspiration. Sometimes, I can't keep on asking myself, why do I love you all along when you're hurting me after all. But I found myself, that martyrdom is love. Am I a masochist for doing so? No, this is simply martyrdom. I found my happiness in loving someone like you who hurts me all along. I love you even after the pain, even after the cursed words, even after the hell I've experienced. This is my heaven. Being with you is my heaven.

You know me better than anyone did. You know me even with the simplest gesture I showed. You loved me even without those high grades that I used to get. You loved me even without those hugs and kisses we shared. But now, everything's gone. Nothing's left from that love. I'm sorry dhie. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I know you'll be forgetting about me. It's really hard. I was asking you even the slightest sign of affection. Even though, I know, you wouldn't give that anymore.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I know, you don't love me anymore, nor do you? I wanted to tell the whole world that I chose to be with you.. even though I know, my parents, wouldn't let me to.

Now, I won't say goodbye. There's nothing wrong with this.
You know I love you, after all.
I love you, and I will always do.
Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

P.S
Please comeback.

FEETache.

2009-05-13T17:14:00.000-07:00

FEETache.

Okay, here I go again,I'll be ranting about my life anyway. It has something to do with the title. err.
I know, there's this thing called heartache but you know, I'm talking about feetache. LOL. I know, I don't sounds funny, but gosh.. my beautiful feet really hurts. Hate it. i went to the mall yesterday, then after watching along with my favorite t-straps, I went home with a pair of newly bought cheap flip flops. sssh. I looooove the flip flops so much. haha. But, I really hate how hurt my feet was.

Okay, after strolling around the mall, I found this cute flip flops as a replacement to my horrible t-straps. haha. It was rainbow-colored, with black straps. I loooooooove it.

It's been a long time since I bought one. But, I never had any idea of buying a pair of havas or ipanemas! haha. I don't know why. I know they're part of the so called-fashion, here in the Philippines. But I find it somewhat, exaggerated to buy a pair of slippers for more than six hundred pesos. err. Sorry havas fans. :| that's what I feel about it. But honestly, I love their designs. It's so cute.

P.S
honestly, I want someone to give me a pair of footwear. I was dreaming about it long time ago. BUt, sadly, that somoene I'm expecting to give me that pair isn't mine anymore and there's no "US" anymore.

Anyway, next time, I'll be blogging much about heartaches, and how I deal with them.

Living on a PURPOSE.

2009-05-12T23:25:00.000-07:00

Living on a PURPOSE.

After a year of waiting, I finally have my own copy of this book by Rick Warren. I have this for three days already. I love it. Yes. This is quite religious, but this is really a catch. :)

All my life, I was thinking about my purpose here on Earth. Now, I have the book that would let me understand, how a life should be a purpose driven one. Now, I'm planning to buy another one and give it to my guy (the one, I'm trying to forget about). I think, he needs this, more than me.

OH, wait.. I remember.. 14 is coming near.
Gosh. I guess, he'll be happy there, now that he's going abroad and forgetting about me.
Sounds bitter?- nuff said.
I guess, he'll have his life with someone else, a year from now, and he won't even remember my face when he come back. haha. I miss him badly. But, still, I have my own life now. Today is different. He's just a part of my past. I cannot even ask him why this happened so. I just have to forget. That's the best thing I can do. I shouldn't be dwelling on my past. I'm okay now. I hope, he's one too.

okay, so much from that dumbass. :))

This is all about my purpose. And, it's to forget about him, day by day.

I'm learning to do this now. I'm learning,Karl.

This is what I call FREEDOM.

2009-05-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

This is what I call FREEDOM. Finally, I made it.

Today is Mothers' day. So, I decided to have my blog today.

Because of boredom, I was thinking of something new for myself. I ended having my nails manicured by someone. haha. And, after 25 gazillion years, I tasted the freedom I wanted for the longest time. After a year of locking myself in my room and following every single instructions he had for me,now, I learned that, I shouldn't be acting that way.

I had my nails pampered :). I love it so much. It's not my first time anyway, but still, I now have the freedom to enjoy every thing that singles do! I won't be a hypocrite anyway. Yes. I miss the old time laughter, the love. But, it's a new life now. It's a new beginning to cherish and to enjoy all things around you.

I took some pics!

I love the color so much. I have the nicest fingers ever! haha. :))

Here's another! haha. It's like a million years before I had it pampered.

Today's message:

Never waste your time while you have it. Enjoy life the way it is. Never let a crap dumbass to change yourself for a very stupid reason he called LOVE.

Thank GOD, I learned.

To, you, dear guy:
It's my turn now. I won't waste my time in such a crap.
I stumbled. I fall. It's my last. Swear. That would be my last.

I loved you. I guess, that's enough.

PAIN-filled day

2009-05-08T23:28:00.000-07:00

PAIN-filled day.

I got nothing to do today so, I resulted to blogging.
The feeling is like this everyday.

*OMYGOSH. It's almost time to fill my hungry stomach.

Nothing much, about the title itself, but you know, "Pain lives under my skin". Again and again, his message fills all the emotions, lets my heart to cry its way out, lets my eyes to shed some tears again, and takes me off my shoes. Yes. I was down to crying again. It hurts. BIG TIME. Who says, I would be this in love? err. With a man who everybody hates, who everybody judges, who everybody says: a mistake.

Not to waste my time, again, as I was saying a while ago, I resulted to blogging. I spent quite an hour hopping over one blog to another, then browsing from one page to another, and reading another blog from another site. Does it sounds weird? Oh well.. Normal routine my dear. I was bout to blog about my pains, but you know... some blogs really made my heart to laugh out!
Anyway, why can't I move on that fast? aww.

Pach wisdom quote of the day: When you say you've moved on, you say it only once, otherwise, you haven't moved at all.

*forgive me for grabbing this. :)
I just can't help but read this over and over again. :)

so, there, I have said much, I wanna blog my heart out LATER. *hugs.

Perhaps,Goodbyes doesn't mean FOREVER.

2009-05-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

Perhaps,goodbyes doesn't mean

FOREVER.
That's what I believe in.

It's been months since we decided to leave everything behind. Forget the things we shared. Forget every single second we spend. Forget all the memories that we put up. Forget the love that we once shared. But, I know, deep inside this damn heart I have is the love that would never fade throughout the test of time.

I've been mean. I've been careless. I've been too irresponsible to put everything behind. I once thought that I can experience happiness by loving someone else and setting him aside. But, now, I know, I was wrong. I'm now in pain... in so much pain. I don't even know what to do anymore. This is the result of all my actions. I never gave him the chance to love me the way he wanted to be.

I miss the man...
who touches my hair everytime I have that bad hair days.
who kisses my forehead each time I cry.
who would tell me how beautiful I am despite my flaws and imperfections.
who makes me cry over petty things.
who bends his knees in front of me just to have me back.
who would always be cruelly honest with his feelings in our relationship.
who says sorry when he sees me crying.
whom I have slapped the face months ago.
who doodled our names on his paper.
who gave me the best blue and white roses in the world.
who knows me best more than anyone else do.
who gave me the sweetest kiss I will always miss.
who accepts me and loved me simply for being me.

I've been such a fool for hurting him. Honestly, tears are about to fall on my face now. I'm still and will always be in love with this man, whom everybody judges and hates. This man whom I've been in love for 21 months now. I cannot complain with this pain I'm experiencing. These are my faults. I've been such an imperfect girlfriend.

Now, what I'm praying for is that goodbyes wouldn't mean FOREVER. He said goodbye a while ago. What can I say? He isn't mine anymore? No. I cannot begged him to stay. I gave him his happiness already. I guess he's pretty fed up with what's happening... with how the world is against us. I love him. I terribly love him. But I don't have the rights to say that anymore. Everything's over, and because of me, everything fell down into pieces.

I don't really know if he has a NEW girl right now. I don't even have the courage to ask him about that thing because I know, it might hurt me, whether there is or there's no one. What matters now is that I still love him, and I will always do.

I'm hoping that someday he will be able to read this. I'm really hoping.

Karl will always be my rocker.
My prince.
My happiness.
My everything.

It just so happened that today is not meant for us.
Maybe tomorrow, or someday, we will meet again.
And by that time, I know and I will be fighting for the two of us to be together.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
How, I wish, I could turn back the time.
I love you so much Karl.
It would take forever. I swear.

CopyCAT?

2009-04-30T00:13:00.000-07:00

COPYcat?

Again, I'm here for another laughy moments. :)
Posers are everywhere. I wonder how those people feel about it, when they were being caught in such an act. Anyway, I think, this one isn't a poser after all, maybe this is an obsession. OBSESSION. Obsession for, maybe... not achieving the best work for that certain field, so people end up, claiming works that they don't really own at all.

Here are some proofs:

I had it print screen, so that everyone could see it. It's a series of continuous conversation by a common friend and a girl claiming that my friend's work is hers! haha. It really made me laugh!

Okay, here's another. :)

Here's the ORIGINAL work of my friend. And this work was uploaded by someone,
who's claiming it's hers! haha. We really laugh about it!

So there! I posted about it because, there's a lesson that should be learned here. Never claim others' works as yours! Make your own. I'm sure, there's something more than this funny posts! And if you want to use others' work, make sure you ask for permission first. And put the right credits intended for the person.

Oh well, we can do nothing about it anymore.
This is just a lesson to everybody.

Remember:
HONESTY is the best policy. So, stop being such a COPYcat!

He DOODLED. I share.

2009-04-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

He DOODLED. I share.

Yesterday, I was looking for this math notebook which I used in Algebra, a year ago. I don't really know the reason why I'm doing this, until I found this doodled notes which really made me laugh! Okay,I took few pics of this doodled notes. Check this out!

So, here is the doodled thingy I found, back on my sophomore years.
Haha. It really made me laugh!
I can't imagine, how we used to be during those days!

Here's another one! Well, It's a proud product of our bored imagination.
LOL. Obviously, that was before. haha. Because of this, I can never forget the person
who wrote this. For, obvious reasons. You don't have to ask me why! :))

Well, that's enough for those laughyyyy moments. haha. :D I can't imagine how a boring Algebra class would be as fun as this! As far as I can remember, he doodled this on my notes because I let him borrow my notebook so that he would be able to complete his clearance. OMY. I don't know if my teacher saw this when he checked my notes! hahaha. :) Oh well, boring days became complete because of our so called- boyfriends! Speaking of this, I can still remember how disgusted he is when our teacher in Biology scolded him for not doing his projects and for his frequent absences!

This really made my day. :)
How I wish, I could start start playing our song again,
I could repeat or rewind the memories over and over again.

I wanted to play our favorite song with my bare hands on my own keyboard SOMEDAY,
And with him as my guitarist. :(

But,this is just a wish,that's so impossible to happen,

AGAIN.

He makes the ENTERTAINMENT

2009-04-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

He makes the ENTERTAINMENT.

I've gone mad, depressed and stressed out by the things that's been happening these past few months. I've got my heart broken. I had my head bumped on the wall, realizing that it's two months over, but still, I'm a prisoner of my own cage, not until I found out what's the real thing with this guy I've been mutually in love with for sometime. Yes, you heard it right. I wanna emphasize the word "SOMETIME". We've never been committed, okay?

So, here goes the story... For two months, I've been living in this cage not knowing where to have my heart mended AGAIN. We had this mutual thing, but not actually the relationship itself. later on, he decided to part ways with me,not knowing the real reason why he did. I guess, I should cut the story here. I need not to convince everyone with what's going on with my life. :)

This blog is all bout how he made me happy, in such a unique and quite different way. Actually, at first, I never thought that I would feel this way when I heard about how he pitied himself from whatever things that are happening in his life now. Now, I know! Boys also have that self pity thing, not to mention my so called regrets when I first lose him. But then, when I read his thoughts somewhere on his site, I don't wanna be a hypocrite then.. but it really made me feel like he gave me the entertainment. Yes, I'm quite mean, but this is how I feel about it. I find it quite funny, because now I learned that he's like chasing after those girls. I'm thinking that what he's doing is quite funny as it seems BUT.. BUT... BUT... it's not the person itself.

Maybe he already feel what I felt before when he did that. He gave me that extreme emotion of happiness and depression, thinking that he's the one for me, thinking that he could replace my rocker dear. But now, all's well... Everybody learned their own lesson. We have our own lives now, and I'm pretty sure that I've moved on from that part of my life. I realized that, a person cannot replace another person EMOTIONALLY. I mean, the feelings itself. It's just that i don't need him to replace the person I really loved. But still, I wonder how it feels when I'll be on his situation, and I guess, it will hurt me too, knowing that he's too desperate to have another girl.

Again, TRUE LOVE will always be true love, just as PAST will always be PAST. Whatever it is that happened between us is just part of our past.

No bitterness,
No lies.
Merely foolish emotions.